Episode 34: Hosting and Having People In Our Homes
This week we talk about hosting dinner parties and having people into our homes. We reference a few resources in this podcast episode so we wanted to make sure to hook you up with the links for them here.
The episode where Brené Brown interviews Priya about setting intentions around your gatherings.
That time when @theedibleflower got to cook for Yotom Ottolenghi at their home! Also check them out on Instagram because their feed is STUNNING. (Not sponsored!)
Gabby also mentions Home Cooking by Laurie Colwin which is a book of recipes and stories of cooking from home set in New York City in the 80s.
A few of the games we mention to stir up good conversation when friends come over include We’re Not Really Strangers and Cards Against Humanity (explicit warning! Unless you buy the kids version.)
>>> Click here to read the computer generated transcript (note that the transcript isn't perfect)
Mel: Welcome to the making and effort podcast, the podcast where you get to drop in on a conversation with two friends, discussing all the things they make an effort with and some of the things they don't tag Abby. Hi, mal.
Gabby: How's it
Mel: going? Hi, good. I mean, we've had a little technical glitch this morning trying to get this. Um, connection. I'm currently tethered to my 4g on my phone. So just so you can get a sense of how professional we are, very professional. Um, yeah. So, uh, today we want to have a little, chit-chat about entertaining and having people over and some of the ways that we do that, some of the ways that we like to, um, Create an environment for people. Um, and all of those things. We had a few people ask us about that when Gabby put a call light for episode ideas. Um, and I think, you know, we're getting back into having opportunities to see, see more people and be in each other's homes again. And, um, and the, and this is absolutely our, this is a, this is a. Very comfortable area for us. Yeah. Because we both, we both tend to be the kind of people that have people over. This is true.
Gabby: Yeah. Actually the hilarious thing, ironic thing is that my 2020 new year intention was to have. More social gatherings at my house and really hone my passion for entertaining and make it like, and like have. Yeah, just hone this down to like an art. And I did that go well, you know, towards the end of 2020, I had my in-laws over for dinner. A few times was great. I hosted a very small birthday party outside in our backyard with the cousins. So, you know,
Mel: I mean, it wasn't really the year for. What you said, social gatherings. Um, the opposite of that, but we're getting there. We're getting there. Um, I don't know about you, but like I love, uh, being the hostess. I am Monica, right? That's a real fail for me. Um, and even like this year, I don't know if you guys have any routines in your family for Christmas, but, um, Usually like it's Christmas is always at our house, like Christmas dinner. Yeah. And, um, my sister-in-law cause, um, like her and her kids and her husband and they obviously take it year a bite in terms of like his family and her family. And then this year is her turn to be like her side to be with us. Um, She suggested that she could have Christmas dinner at her house.
Gabby: And I was like, I'm so fine with that. That would be delightful for me personally, too. Oh, she will.
Mel: She won't mind me saying this and this, but she, she doesn't cook. Right? Well, she, she cooks in a, on a, on a very surface level. Um, and so she's like, but you guys would need to do all the cooking. And I was like, oh, well
Gabby: then we know. No, this is like a Kate. This is developing into like a catering scenario.
Mel: Mm yeah. And so Dave, Dave was like, that'd be great. We could just go eight, have all the food come back. And our host would be nice and tidy. I mean, yeah. But also. I want to cook.
Gabby: Um, well let me know how that one resolves because yeah, fascinating.
Mel: Well, I mean, I don't know. I think there is a draw for me and like, you know, hanging up the apron for one Christmas. You know, but then again, like my dad's getting married. I don't know if I've said that in this podcast. Um, yeah, my dad is getting married, um, and he'll be married by Christmas. So there's all of that with his new wife, um, to consider and what, you know, there's just, there's dynamics, isn't there in, on the old Christmas yeah. Hosting
Gabby: stuff. Yes. Which is why we wanted to talk about. Because we've all got holidays coming up. And, um, you know, if you are one of the people who asked us about entertaining, we wanted to kind of answer that. And if, and I think too, a lot of people are getting more comfortable with this idea of having people over, especially in the wake of the pandemic, like, uh, You know, there's just less going out. There's a lot more smaller gatherings. I feel like people are having people into their homes more. And I just think it's, it's really fun. Um, I will say one. One book on this topic sort of is, uh,
Mel: I feel like, I feel like I just want to share my screen with you because I just looked up the book that I was gonna reference.
Gabby: Is it the art, the art of gathering,
Mel: gathering Parker? Yes. Being on the same page. You're on the same. Yes. So there's. That book, the art of gathering is so beautiful. And actually, if you, if you don't have time to read it, there's some really good podcasts episodes with her. I think with Brenae brown, I think maybe with Elizabeth Gilbert, I can't remember. Um, oh no, maybe she does something on goop. They'll get podcasts. I don't know.
Gabby: She does do a good podcast interview, but yeah, she did one. I want to say she did one with Brenae last year in 2020. Was it last year because she's got she's she's on that podcast a few times. Anyway, the first time she shows up on the podcast, she talks a lot about kind of breaking down the main points of her book, which is a fantastic book. And if you are looking to bring more intentionality to your gatherings in your home, it's a great place to start for.
Mel: Yeah. I mean, there's, there's part of it that I'm like, oh, that's a lot to think about. I really just want to have people over for pizza,
Gabby: but
Mel: because she does inject a lot of maiden, but, but actually for anyone who is like works in events or, you know, like has some sort of like part of their work or their, um yeah, whatever they do. Brings events into it. It's a really, really helpful. And actually, you know, it was really helpful for me whenever I started assembly this, my business, because my business started as events business. It was originally, I mean, it's literally 2016. So what, what year is this? So yeah, it's like five, five. I've got a five-year anniversary of. This business this month. Um, and it was super helpful for me on that, on that level to make sure that I was gathering with some purpose and really considering hi, everybody fails when they come to stuff like events like that, where it's not necessarily your friends coming around to your house, but people you're gathering people together. And you know why that's happening and they get brought into that
Gabby: purpose. Yeah. It's so good. That's so good. And I can, I mean, I, it's still one of my big life sadnesses that I have not been 10 assembly gathering.
Mel: Oh, someday. I really miss. I don't miss the organization of thoughts. I will say, I will say that I have absolutely resigned that I need to hide. Experts to do that, to pull off that kind of, um, magnitude and detail of an event. Um, but I love the planning and I love the, like, just being around a table with like beautiful women. Like you had, you had a bit of that experience last week, didn't
Gabby: you? Yeah. I'm a part of a supper club, um, recently joined when this year and I didn't, I only knew one of the women. Um, the friend who invited me, so it's been really great or before joining it. So it's been really great to get to know a whole new set of people that I wouldn't have normally met. Um, and yeah, it's been fun, but yeah, we just, we pick a theme every month and we bring a dish around that theme and the women in that group go all out. A lot of them have a. Professional backgrounds in like food styling and photography and event planning, and one of them, a wine bodega. So I'm definitely like the least cool person there. Um, one of them is like a professional pastry chef and I'm like, it's a very slinky. The situation that I have kind of elbowed my way into, very happy to be. Um,
Mel: well done water, what an elbow that is so awesome. I know I'm just like, oh, maybe I would like to do that. Maybe I would like a. Communal gathering type thing to create something like that. Just for me, rather than not just for me, obviously for everyone else coming, but that isn't part of my work. Um, cause there's, I mean, I'm glad that they go all out as well, because there's, I mean, that has to be a month. Um, it doesn't it because you don't want any old Sally Coleman who is just going to bring yeah.
Gabby: Some bread and pesto. Yes. There are definitely, I was informed of the rules when I joined bread
Mel: and pesto. That was the best low key thing,
Gabby: I guess it was still a really good lazy thing though. I will say, oh, I wouldn't reject it. I would be stoked to see that there. But yeah, I, I mean, in terms of our separate club, I think there's a couple of ground rules. One is like, anyone you want to invite along has to be approved by the whole group. So that not like in a, not in a mean girl way, not in a mean girls way, but just like. Be intentional, like, add that, love that, that element of intentionality, um, and honoring the space that exists, you know? Um, and then also, um, I think there. Uh, oh yeah, the person who hosts because we kind of trade off who hosts it. Um, they're not, they don't have to cook anything, so they just provide drinks and decorate the space and that's all they provide. Um, and then everyone else shows up with, we kind of like we'll text on the three. At our text thread, um, the weeks leading up, who's bringing what, so we know who's on dessert and all of those important details. Um, yeah, it's really fun. It's a really fun little thing that we've been doing. Um, Definitely. I think there's, um, there's another version of this separate club. That's kind of, it's like called a cook book club and you can cook through a cookbook and do that with friends, which I also think is a great idea. And I would love to be a part of a cookbook club as well. How many food related clubs I'm allowed to be a part of, but I want to be a part of all of them.
Mel: Oh, my word. I absolutely love the idea of going through a cookbook. Like imagine everyone just Nahshon into Nigella.
Gabby: An auto loan or how do you say his name is Um, yeah, wet and delight. There's a blogger called Luton delight who has an incredible blog on how to start a cookbook club that I will link in the show notes because I think it's a good starting reference point. Anyone who might want to start something like that?
Mel: Hmm. I have a cool story about Ottolenghi. Yeah.
Gabby: Ooh,
Mel: yes. Tell me, so, so my friends, Aaron and Joe, who are like my caters for my retreat, that's happening this weekend. Um, they are, they're the most amazing women. They have their own, the kind of small holding, um, Farm like they live and they've created this like small holding farm on the grinds of the property that they bought. So it has some like cool outbuildings that they renovate. And anyway, they grow all of their own food. Well, most of their own food, they like cater for lots of things. They sell a lot of their projects and they have these amazing supper clubs. And they had a supper club a couple of years ago. Um, This guy showed up, I think with his partner, I think I'm getting this right. And it was bloody Ottolenghi what on earth showed up? Yeah. He's like, he's like his partner is from here from Northern Ireland. Oh. And he comes over quietly. And his partner book tickets for them to go to the supper club. So they got to cook for him and they are like super fun girls. And they like they're so, so sweet there said they just nearly died when he like walked into their house, actual high, where they have their silver gloves. Oh, my word, I was just like, this is the actual best. Can you imagine? Hi, shitting yourself.
Gabby: My gosh. Can I tell you something? This is a little bit of a sidebar. But the intersection of all my core interests, my CU. So like food being one, celebrity gossip, being a huge wing that I'm very invested in celebrity chef gossip. You can't see what I'm doing. Like a little finger intersection. I cannot tell you how deep I, those are the only that's the only, uh, subject I will go deep on the Reddit threads for. I am so invested. Yes. Like all this. What
Mel: kind of, what kind of celebrity chef gossip? Like what are we talking
Gabby: about here? Oh my God. I mean, I, I, I feel like, okay, so like there's a restaurant in LA called squirrel. I think I'm going to have to look this up. I'm not going to sound like a foodie. The way, I just described that, but they had this whole scandal where there was like mold in their jam that they're famous for, that they sell. Um, and then it really mistreated a lot of their employees. Um, there's there was like the whole Alison Roman Chrissy Tiegen, Twitter feud of 2020 that Alison Berry. Got like came back from, I felt really bad for it. I, she didn't deserve, she, it wasn't cool what she did, but she didn't deserve what happened to her. Like ruthless with her on the internet. Um, I don't know, just all of that kind of stuff. I'm so invested. Anyway, we can close the sidebar cause it's nothing to do with entertaining. And we did want to give you guys,
Mel: it has to do with entertaining. People are so here for the moldy gems scandal guys. Come on, you know, you're here for the moldy gems. God, I know. So niche. It's unbelievable
Gabby: niche. And yet here I am.
Mel: I am currently, while we're talking like scrolling through the edible floor, this is Aaron's. Um, Instagram cause I'm pretty sure there's a picture of them without a lanky at their house, because obviously there is, oh yep. There it is. Oh my goodness. So the show she read, she write, she writes, we often do things that scare us. I guess us would start starting a business is a little bite. It was equally terrifying and utterly fantastic to get to cook for our culinary hero. Ottolenghi at our little day of the dead supper club, less. Thanks so much to you and Carla for coming along and for signing all my cookbooks, please. I mean, it's this, if you're going to look for it, this happened in October, 2017, but like, look at that. Stop it
Gabby: right now.
Mel: I know, I know I would just die. I would die.
Gabby: I know. Well, not all of us will get to host our culinary heroes, but we can still host our friends. Which is, which is what we're hearing. And we're also, and we're
Mel: also not here to talk about like big elaborate gatherings, but really like, just ways that the small little small things can put everybody at ease can like help us all feel a bit more comfortable with being the host and all that kind of stuff. So would you say like preparation is like your, your man vice when it come like the. When it comes to hosts and like our, you get everything ready the day before kind of go. Yeah.
Gabby: So if you're having a dinner yes. I wanted to actually circle back to something you said, which was just like being like we're having pizza, you know, come on over. I think. Yes. There's obviously like there are grades to this thing, right? Like you can really do the professional. There's a professional end of it. That takes months and months of planning. And then there is the, just come over for pizza thing. But I think the come over for pizzas are still, they still require intentionality and they still require someone asking and they still require. You know, someone being willing to open up their space and they can be some of the funnest times. You know, I think just having that kind of, if you're someone who wants to get into it entertaining, but feels a little intimidated or doesn't have a ton of time or a ton of budget, those gatherings are still super meaningful. So I, for sure. Like think of the number of times I've just been like, Hey guys, like in a text, you know, my neighbors or my friends live nearby and been like, we're ordering some pieces, bring a bottle of wine. We're gonna watch a movie afterwards, you know, after dinner or whatever, we're going to play a game. And they turn out to be that like some of the best nights. And I think it can, can be just as simple as. And I think that
Mel: is absolutely. And my, like my mother-in-law would say, like she, um, she always says to me, oh, I, I couldn't do what you do know. Like I used to do having lots of people around for dinners whenever I was in my thirties and I just couldn't do it. And I, and, but what she is really good at and is also so lovely and warm, Like the spontaneous fading of people, you know, like the right everyone, right? These are all here now. Right. Well, what do we have in the cupboards? That's cobbled together, you know, some coleslaw and some cooked chicken and some, you know, like just lay it. There's something that like is also maybe a little bit of a Northern Irish mother thing where they can create a full, like smorgasbord of. Uh, something out of nothing and everybody is just so satisfied and feel. So yeah, delightfully looked after. Um, but she, she loves that. Like she would rather somebody just show up at her house and end up staying for tea, then have planned a dinner two weeks in advance. She would be, she would be really anxious about that.
Gabby: Yeah. I think that lead up to that. Yeah. I think that is actually. Great, like know yourself, you know, know what I think I do get nerves when I have big parties and I love throwing them. I equally get very excited and anxious, like the 12 hours leading up to like a very planned and organized gathering. I love hosting them, but they do take a lot out of me. It's one of those weird. Things where it's draining and fulfilling at the same time.
Mel: Yes, I agree. I remember going through that journey with you virtually when you did your Chanco to Mayo, um, Party. And I was like, wow. She, I mean, she is going to the Mexican market and she is, she is getting a pinata and this is all. Yep. And then you were like, did the best job made the most amazing food? Everyone had a great time. And then you died for like two days? Yeah,
Gabby: it was, it took a lot out of me. I was at a sink and we invited all our really close people and all their kids and which is why I had the. We like w we, you know, destroyed that soccer. And it was, it was really fun. I like, I roasted a bunch of brisket and the oven overnight, and I had a few people bring some things, but mostly, yeah, I had a friend who brought some and I outsourced the guacamole. Who wants to sit around making homemade guacamole for 40 people? No, it wasn't 40. It was like 30, but still, um, yeah, it was, it was a really fun time, but yeah, I think the, that can kind of be the range and I mean, some things, and I think when, I don't know what your experiences, Mel, but I've found the more I host and I have started hosting more as I have been. One of the only people in my friend group who has a child. So I have a lot of friends who, yeah. Like I have a lot of friends who are either single or married, no kids. Um, and. It's very convenient to be like, Hey, I know I can't find a sitter, but I really want to see you all. Will you come to my house after my child goes to bed? And a lot of times I definitely feel like I'm competing with all the other things that are hard to do in Nashville. Cause I'm like it's Friday night, they could be out eating delicious food. They could be out drinking delicious drinks, but they are choosing to come to my home. So I want to like treat them. I want to, you know, By some nice bottles of stuff. I want to have good snacks. I want to, you know, so if I know people are coming over, I'll definitely stock up on some things, but I also have some staples in my pantry most of the time, because we usually have someone over.
Mel: Okay Let's hear it. Yeah. I want to hear what those are.
Gabby: I definitely have like one or two cheeses in the fridge, I would say like, I'll just like when I'm at the grocery store. I'll buy some like Manchego or some Brie, or, you know, just like charcuterie cheese, um, to have in the fridge kind of all at all times. So if someone comes over, you can be really casual. Just throw out that with some dates and some nuts and some crackers, and it looks really thoughtful, but really you've just had all this stuff in your pantry, your fridge. The whole time. Um, we always like to have just like a backup bottle of wine or beer in the basement. We just keep it down there. So, you know, we don't, we don't use it, but it's just there for backup. Um, I'm trying to think of other staples, um, What about you? Do you have anything that you just kind of have on hand a lot of the time for when people come over?
Mel: No, probably not. I actually don't. I don't think I do. I don't think, I think like have a backup really, but, um, but I will, I will, I am very good at cobbling together, something, so I could make like any kind of pasta dish on a whim with whatever's left in the fridge or, um, Um, I, or any kind of like a risotto I can make, you know, cause you just, you're literally just like putting some, whatever meat or vegetables into frightened pot and then gradually, you know, and that's one that you can just have someone, um, standing beside you in the kitchen, chatting away while you stir. And that kind of thing. Like I. If someone was unexpectedly arriving and I had to make something, those would be some easy ones to go for or, or like a
Gabby: soup. Yeah. Yeah.
Mel: Like so easy to just Chuck, a whole bunch of vegetables and maybe some potato and some cream. Like there's always that kind of thing in my fridge to like, I know a lot, always onions, always. Like, I feel a certain amount of scarcity if there aren't onions and my, oh, definitely cupboard because you always need onions. Um, I think it's Shauna Niequist Nyquist. I don't even know how to say her last name, but the book, she has this beautiful book that I read many, many years ago. And I can't remember what it's called. Oh, it's the one with all the
Gabby: recipes. Is it the bread and wine? Or is that a different
Mel: one? It might be, let's have a look. Um, but she, she has like a, the most beautiful, um, recipes in this book. And what is it called? It might be called a bread and wine. Um, and then she has stories littered in with it as well, but she talks about like, if you don't know what to make for dinner, just start by chopping an onion. And for some people, that advice means that they're having chopped onion, but I really do get, I get the, I get the sense, the sentiment of it, like it's yeah. Oh yeah. Like it's so, so good. Anyway. Um, yeah, so those kinds of things that just are easy to kind of make up from, from nothing. You know, at like 10 tomatoes, like you can always make something with like tens of tomatoes. Anyway, I don't wanna, I'm not like a recipe Greer race, so I'm not going to pretend like I'm some sort of specialist throwing together a male. Um, but I think, you know, there are, there are ways that you can entertain that actually aren't even really. The food too. Oh yeah. You said, um, like making sure that people just feel super welcome and like, you know, having some nice calming Phibes music. Yeah. Candles like a tidy home. Like that's something for me that I think,
Gabby: yeah, I appreciate. Yeah. Well, allows you to kind of relax and enjoy. The present company, cause you're not thinking about the state of the house.
Mel: I do feel like I'm probably, I probably need to work more on like just letting things Gabby: go,
Mel: whatever. Well, Dave and I have got pretty good retain when we host. So like I I'm just fully present in the kitchen doing my thing, making sure that everything is ready and still warm and. All the rest of it. And then we sit down to eight and I can chill. And then Dave, that's when Dave's just like, okay, it's go time for me. And he's like, he clears the plates and he makes it like, gets the dishwasher stacked. And, um, so that I can kind of spend time with people after the male. Um, we have a pretty good routine for not necessarily ones that just like leave the table full of dishes to the very end of the night. I'm not, that's not really how we operate, but I, you know, um, I think not everybody's like that, aren't they? Yeah. I mean,
Gabby: but that's just, it, I think a lot of times your guests are only as comfortable as you are, so like, whatever you need to do to make sure that you. At least can just like focus on them, being there and enjoy yourself, you know, the do that, whether it's like leaving the dishes or just like clearing them to the sink or putting them all in the dishwasher, whatever that looks like, you know, do that because that's just going to make your guests, your guests will be able to enjoy that. I, um, I think that's a really good system and also. I don't know. I, one thing that I've recently thought about is, um, I read, uh, I read home cooking by Laura Corwin this year. It's like an old eighties book. She's like a home chef from who like lived in New York city, uh, in like a one tiny studio room apartment with no oven and loves to cook and entertain. And she talks about how she would like convert this like studio apartment into like, A dining room essentially when she'd have people over, which was often, uh, cause she loved to entertain so much and kind of her go-to dishes. So it's another book where it's like a lot of stories, interwoven with recipes. Um, Which, and it's a great read. If you're looking for like something that's not, you know, super heady, it's very chill, cozy. It's a great book to pick up. It's kind of dated. Cause it was like written in the eighties to like, you know, everyone's like doing the no salt diet or whatever, which sounds terrible. Um, but. She talks about having like go to, you know, really sad go-to recipes for when she has people over. So she doesn't have to think about them. And I think that was, that's actually like a really good idea if you're feeling like you want to entertain more. And I think sometimes that, that stuff just happens naturally too. Like you just find yourself making. You know, playing the hits so to speak. Yes.
Mel: Um, do you know what's going to be a winner? Yeah.
Gabby: Yeah. But I think there is some merit to that. And just like, that can take a lot of the, I don't know, anxiety or stress out of having people over because you, you already know what you're gonna make. You already know. They're probably gonna love it. And you, you probably have all the things that you need to make it because you make it regularly in your house. Um, yeah, I don't know. That's a really good book for anyone who wants to entertain more as well.
Mel: Yeah. Well, link all these things up in the show notes as well. There's a few, quite a few bits of it mentioned here. Um, I think I really love the process of, so I, I think I love the process of getting ready to have people over. Um, up until the last five, 10 minutes of getting ready to serve, and then I'm like, Having to talk myself down off a ledge. And I'm just like, don't like, don't come near me. Don't come near the kitchen. Like just let me make this happen. I've been keeping this thing warm. The gravy is, you know, the gravy's bubble and I need to, you know, like everything needs to become chilled. So I like to make sure that like, I'm not lighting candles at the table whenever everybody's already setting dine. Like I want people to come in. To our space, which is an open plan space. So like I'm in the kitchen, everyone else's like in that area, but not in the kitchen. But so when people come in, I want them to be able to like, see the table set and ready, and the candles are lit. So that they're like the count we have to get to the table. Yeah, yeah. That feeling, you know, we did this, we used to do this thing, like when you're talking about. The one that has kids, like we used to do this thing, um, on new year's Eve, we would do like an early dinner party on new year's safe. When our kids were smaller on our friends, kids were smaller and we would have everybody over for like a, you know, like a 6:00 PM dinner and everybody would bring stuff, but we would do like the main thing. Um, And it was so nice because there was no pressure to be like, oh, like you still have such a nice time on new year's safe, but you actually get to leave at like nine o'clock and be home and have your jammies on and your kids in bed so that you can just chill, but you still feel like you've had like something special to go to. So I recommend doing something like that. If you have small children and you want to make it special and also. Get everyone onto your house in a timely
Gabby: way. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's a great
Mel: that advocates. The etiquette of, of like overstaying. Oh gosh. Heidi, how do you like yeah. How do you set the precedent for. Don't please don't linger till midnight.
Gabby: Well, if you're inviting people over with young kids, there's a really easy way. That's really easy. People just leave before bedtime or at bedtime. Um, but yeah, I mean, That is a tricky one. I've I've gotten to the point now where I'll just be like, yeah, I'm getting up. But 5:00 AM to podcast tomorrow morning, or, you know, I'm going to go to bed or something. I, it depends obviously if these are people I'm like just having over for the first time, I probably wouldn't say that, but I have like a small group of friends that come over pretty regularly. And so. I've gotten to the point where I just tell them that I have to go to bed. Uh, but yeah, I'm
Mel: sorry. You could pull it. You could pull it. Dave Wiggins. He just disappears. He just goes to bed
Gabby: is on the Irish goodbye or what?
Mel: And so my friend rice calls, do you have a heist cut? Like he is a heist cut, like at any point and. Fact it was my birthday at the weekend. And we had everybody over on Sunday for like Kik and T and DF. Like he smashed it. He made everybody their specific tastes and coffees and drinks, and it was all the cousins and my sister-in-law my brother and, um, my dad and his fiance and his Dave's family. Oh, everyone. Um, Like at a boat. So everyone camera in three and at about four 30, I was like, where is he? Is that he was like, literally upstairs lion on our bed with his eyes closed. He just needs to go. He's just a little house cat. And he just needs to go and have a little light on. Sometimes I
Gabby: feel that I really feel that.
Mel: Yeah. And like, He used to do this all the time where it would just be like 11 o'clock and our friends were still over. This is a few years ago and they'd be like bursty if, um, yeah. Dave has gone to bed. DF is not psych at night. Dan was just gone to bed. Yes. Oh, he probably knows that I'm the kind of person that will just like, I mostly don't want the party to end if we're having like a really nice night. I'm just like, no, stay, have another drink. Or like here's some leftovers that's get stuck in. Um,
Gabby: whereas he's like, yeah,
Mel: but 10 o'clock should be the cutoff point you guys should just know to head home. I kind of
Gabby: agree with that. Maybe a little later on the weekends, but if it's like a weeknight, if your, and you're staying longer than 10 BS, That's on you,
Mel: especially awake
Gabby: night, for sure. Yes. Yeah. Have some respect. Come on guys.
Mel: We're not in college. We not at university please. Yeah, no, I really, I just, yeah, I love, I love whenever everything is kind of feeling fun and. Warm and, you know, you know, you're having good conversation. And it's funny because again, this weekend has been less blast weekend has been a lot of like seeing people because it was our anniversary and birthday. And we went out for dinner and, um, I was telling you and the other girls in our Marco polo group, a bite this dinner that. Like when I was friends for dinner and had like this big, uh, like deep and kind of challenging conversation, um, a, quite a big, big issue that's going on in the world today. I'm not going to get into what it is, but we had this like, hated, like chat conversation. I fight this thing and it did get, it did get really like hated and I was telling you about it. And then Michelle, who's a friend of ours. Um, our Marco polo group, she messaged me and she's like your dinner, your birthday dinner conversation made me laugh. Not the subject, of course, but that is exactly the kind of evening I would love for my birthday as well. I was like, oh, absolutely. And I'm like, yeah, Like some sort of rambling conversation that just kind of gets everybody a little bit like on edge, but then you come full circle and like some sort of loving conversation. And everyone just feels like, well, most people who can, who enjoy that kind of yeah. You know, gentle to be it, you know, you become Ryan towards it at the end, but I guess maybe there is something to be said about it. Knowing your audience and what kind of conversation that you can like you don't want to be. So guys thought we would talk about racism today, right? The table. How are you guys doing with your white supremacy? You know, that's maybe
Gabby: we gotta be really
Mel: aware of what yeah. What kind of chat we can. Yeah, bring up and with who and what kind of atmosphere. The company that we have, and what's helpful and what's not
Gabby: for sure. I think there is something about like, when you know that you're with people who you have that kind of relationship with where you can have those deeper conversations comfortably. Then I think it's a really good idea to steer the conversation in that direction, because those are meaningful chats that, that isn't to say that like the fun stuff and the jokes aren't meaningful because they really are. But I think sometimes kind of bringing in. Or, you know, allowing space for that with your closer friends is really important. And if you're the person hosting a lot of times, you know, that will fall on you to kind of steer that conversation in a productive way. But. Yeah, definitely not like first dinner, date conversation.
Mel: Um, did you have you, I mean, you guys play games with your friends whenever you have people, right? Right.
Gabby: Yeah. We're not actually huge game people weirdly, but our friends are, so we play games with them and it has been really fun. Uh there's I think I've actually mentioned it before. There's um, the weird. We're not really strangers card game, which is basically just talking points or, um, there's another one or they give oh, cards against humanity. Do you guys have, yeah,
Mel: I actually bought Levi cards against humanity for kids. Yeah. So they've got a kid's version of it. Got it. Birthday and the absolute raucous laughter that comes out of the room and him and his cousins. It's so funny. It's really sweet.
Gabby: It's really, I don't
Mel: know. Those are fun kind of games cause they're really like, yeah, they get they're good talking points and you get to really get a sense of people's humor and. That kind of thing. Our family was big into games. Like always there was always a game produced at some stage or another. Um, do you want me to tell you like two of our favorite, like, you don't have to buy these. These are just like, these are games that you just can like whip, bite. So one is called the P and ask em, okay.
Gabby: Okay. Ever heard of this game. Oh
Mel: my gosh. You got to play this game is so fun. Um, so I guess if you're sitting around, you kind of want to go in like a, in a circle, not a circle, you don't have to sit in a circle, but just wherever you're sitting, you're going to go like to the person next in sequence. Um, and so you start off. I mean, someone says, uh, says a word or a thing or whatever. And the next person has to say something related to the thing that said before. Okay. And, but you're not allowed to use words beginning with P or S you get me. Yeah. So I would start off and say camera, and then you would say, so you kind of go around the circle and then if you say a word that has, that begins with P or S you get a strike and then three strikes you're oh, wait. Okay. Um, and you're not allowed to repeat a word that someone else has said to not rind. It's so fun because honestly it's really fun whenever really smart. Together people mess up.
Gabby: It's a really
Mel: fun. So there's that one, the PNS game I highly recommend. Um, and then we also play there's different names and I'm sure we're going to hear from people on Instagram up by hi, I'm not, I'm not calling it the right name, but we call this either tine and country or stop the bus. But basically you get, everyone gets page and a pan and you have to write down, everyone kind of goes around and picks categories as maybe like Scattergories, but like, it'd be a sec. Like first edition version before it was like monetized, but everyone picks category. So like girls name, boys named fruit, vegetable type of car, um, movie actress, whatever. And he picked like, I don't know how many, 10, 15 categories. And then somebody gets to pick a letter and then you set a timer for, oh yeah. I don't know, like a minute. Yeah. Maybe not even 45 seconds and you have to come up with. You know, something in all of those categories, starting with that ladder and there's certain point system. So if you are the only person that got that word for that category, you get three points. If everybody. If they loads of people got the CMR dishes, you know, that kind of thing. Those are fun. You have to have a, a board or paces or any third cards or anything. Like you can just kinda get a notebook, conduct, pizza pieces of paper. And we, I mean, those feature heavily. Whenever we have people over. Oh my gosh.
Gabby: I love word games like that. So I would be down for sure, for sure. Oh, that's really fun. I love that. I'm trying to think if there's anything else we should cover in this, this
Mel: episode. Maybe we should make sure that people know that if they go to your house, that they shouldn't ask for just water. Oh my gosh.
Gabby: I forgot about that. So I had Watergate on my Instagram because I confessed in a state of vulnerability that one of my very irrational pet peeves. Is that I hate when people come over and I, oh, this is how it always goes. I'll be like, oh my goodness, come on in blah, blah, blah. What can I get you to drink? And then I list everything. I'm like, I got sparkling water, I've got lemon, I've got tea, I've got wine. And I just go through the whole thing of debt Coke. Like I try to stock my house because this is a point of pride for me. Yeah. Yeah. This is a point of pride for me. I enjoy this. We are drinks people. We love this stuff. So I give him all the options and then be like, oh, thanks. Um, just water. Thanks. And then I understand it's irrational and people should be allowed to drink water. I get that, but it just does something inside of me where I just die a little bit inside. And I'm like,
Mel: I want to ask you about this. I know you addressed that a little bit on your stories when Watergate. But is it at men? It might be a combination. Is it that you're like, don't be boring. Like have like, come on, be like, be in the moment and like, enjoy yourself, let go. You don't don't just have a water it. Or is it that you have like gone out of your way to like make sure that there are lots of options at. Come on people. Like I have one out of my way, tiny sliver of resentment of my thoughts. Um, or is it that you get the sense that they're not comfortable, like asking for something that's more than just basic water? What is it? I think
Gabby: it's a combination of all of those things. Yeah, as I explored it with the angry people of the internet,
Mel: no mercy. Oh,
Gabby: the water people will get you. My, uh, my roof started leaking the next day. So I definitely think that I brought that upon myself by
Mel: confiding border
Gabby: karma. Well, the water people were at mad. Uh, but I, yeah, I think it's, it's, uh, it's all of that. So it's part of it is that. I very intentionally try to stock my drink options in my home because I like being able to, you know, be like, yes, I've got this tea, this random tea that you like, or, you know, um, yeah, I've got diet Coke on tap or, you know, whatever. Um, so that's part of it. I also think. To me, if you're just asking for water or you're like, oh, could I get a coffee and a water? That's fine. Like, or I'm want to have a wine, but could I just have some water first? That's fine. I get that. But I know
Mel: that you're going to be put to work, to
Gabby: be mid, be useful, but just water communicates to me that like, I'm not settling in for the long haul here. This is like a pistol. In my day. I'm just, I'm I'm just covering the basic necessities hydration. Non-committal yes, it feels very non-committal. And I'm not saying that that is how the water people, as I'm referring to that might not be how they feel. But to me, that is what I hear. And so I think, oh, okay, well this, you ever take
Mel: it upon yourself though, to like, You know, oh, you want water? You know, like Fabian cups with cups and ice. And you're like, I'll show you water. And you get like your bougiest glass. You like slice a cucumber. Like you, you know, like you grit a slice of cucumber into, and you put some like fancy ice. I'd give them like a metal straw and yes, some sort
Gabby: of Ella, this is kind of the compromise point that I have reached with the people in my life who love water. Is that I will try and do that. Now. That is something that is a lesson I have taken away from this thought experiment that I had with people on the internet, where a lot of people who just enjoy water would, would be into like a bougie water situation. But a lot of people got back and they're like, no, I don't like ice. I don't want like extra flavor. I just like waters. And I think it's rude that you're not giving it your. Non begrudgingly giving it to me. And I mean, They like what they like whose to, you know?
Mel: Yeah. I just don't, I don't like impose your need to be extra on someone's basic need for hydration. Yeah.
Gabby: Yeah. So there, that's the story about, about Watergate struggle? I know. I
Mel: know. Okay. Well, listen, we hope that you do, if you have sat on the fence about like, oh, I don't know if I can host people at my house. Even if you have a small space, even if you have extra rooms, like just do it. It's all about being with your people and, you know, having, uh, having a warm time together rather than yeah. It's keeping people out of your space. Cause you feel like you're, you're not going to be fancy enough, you know, order
Gabby: pizza. Yeah. It's great. You can even make pizza, bougie, light, some candles, you know,
Mel: light, some candles cork the wine that's right.
Gabby: Dimmed the lights, all of a sudden you're in a. Done. Yeah, I got a little Italian playlist
Mel: on Spotify then. Fuji pizza night. Gabby: Oh, this has been fun. I can talk about this all day and I'm glad we got a chance to chat through.
Mel: Yeah. If you have any questions, if obviously we're going to stick everything in the show notes. Um, so you can check all the different links out there, but also, sorry. Were, were
Gabby: you going to say this? I will. Yeah, no, I'm nodding like yes. Say the thing. Okay. So
Mel: we, we need your submissions. We're going to make sure we remind you on Instagram this week, but we want to hear your spooky stories. So we're putting together an episode of all this, like a Halloween. Style episode of all the kind of weird and wonderful, spooky ghosty experiences that you have that are slightly unexplained. Um, um, maybe it's a friend of a friend told you a story once, uh, Gabby springing hers, I'm going to bring mine. Um, and we're going to share all these sites. Yeah, little bit. Yeah. Unexplained, mysterious, spooky stories with you as just a bit of analysts. And it was just a bit of fun. So email us at hello@makinganeffortpodcast.com an email to us with your speaking story and we'll read it right. Or you can send us a voice note and, um, directions on how you do that are also on our website, which is making an effort pocast.com. Yeah.
Gabby: Send us your stories till next
Mel: time. Alright, bye everybody.
