Episode 20: Ask Us Anything

>>> Click here to read the computer generated transcript (note that the transcript isn't perfect)

Gabby: Hello, and welcome to the making an effort podcast. Podcasts where you get to drop in on a conversation with two friends, discussing all the things they make an effort with and some of the things they don't. And this week we are doing our very first ask me anything. So we put out a call out on social media, asking for you to submit your questions that you might have for us. And we are going to answer them. And this will be our last episode before we take. A tiny break and, um, we're, we're excited about that.

Mel: Yeah. So what episode will this be? This'll be, this'll be the load 20. Is that right?

Gabby: I think so.

Mel: I think so, too.

Gabby: Yeah. Yeah, that seems right.

Mel: That makes me happy that it's a ride number. I actually feel like I probably wouldn't wouldn't cope well, if it was like episode 17. Yeah,

Gabby: no, that would, it would feel a bit unfinished when that thought though

Mel: 20 episodes.

Gabby: I know we've, we've done it and plus them because there's a few that we never saw the light of day. When you're still figuring stuff out. And then there are also, um, some Patreon ones that are for patrons only. So look at us. We're like real podcasters. now.

Mel: Yeah, yeah. We're just getting shit done here in the podcast world where I share or making an making we're super duper making and effort. Okay. Let's get cracking with these because there's some, there's some. Some cool questions here. Uh, um, All right. So the first one came from Morgan and I'm personally so pleased that Morgan is interested in this question. She is asking what has been the result of Mel's cooking strike, uh,

Gabby: update the people. Now the people want to know it's

Mel: still in, in, in force happening. Um, I'm actually in, has really helped. Massively helped. Um, so, you know, we, we split the camp straight down the middle, Dave and Levi Dave sees to Levi and his, you know, culinary needs. I see at dinner time, I say to me and Ada who only eats pepperoni pizza anyway, so that's easy. So I basically just cook for myself and it's a delight.

Gabby: That's amazing. Would you say it's still a strike? What is it now? Just kind of like a new rhythm that you've created did for yourselves?

Mel: I would say that's true because it's not that I don't cook for my whole family at any stage, but during the week it's Mo yeah, like. There's maybe a couple of mealtimes where I could have come, mainly because I want to make sure that my kids eat vegetables and that's not massively in Dave's cooking repertoire. So, yeah. Yeah. So I will do that. I'll do like a big roast dinner, or

Gabby: I am saying that like, I've been able to get Danny to eat any vegetable in the last year and I haven't. So, um,

Mel: I yeah. Yeah, please. I it's it's he'll eat vegetables really well, but Ada doesn't cook. It doesn't eat anything, any vegetables that are cooked. So she eats like raw carrots, raw peas. Hmm. Um, sometimes a raw tomato, which is quite a, that's quite, uh, like, uh, A mouth party, you know, for a child that has such

Gabby: Tomato is like a very random one. If you're, if you are a picky eater. Anyway, I feel like tomato is kind of one of those ones where it's like, oh yeah, it makes sense. You wouldn't like a raw tomato, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Mel: You give someone a pass on that because it's quite a. There's a little mouth party.

Gabby: That's all I'm going to think of now, whatever I order tomato, which I, it was very against tomatoes as a kid. I still am not like mega in, like, I love him in a sauce. I love him roasted and I like cherry tomatoes, but I think tomato slice do you wouldn't be well, see, I don't eat a ton of sandwiches. I'm not a huge sandwich person. And so. I like tomato. What's

Mel: it called with the tomato? Sliced with the mozzarella and the basil.

Gabby: Oh, burrata or Capri Capri salad. Um, yeah, I . With salt, the tomato is still not my favorite part of that. Okay. Mel: Let's go pick a fish to fry in this episode. down, a tomato rabbit hole here. All right. Okay. What's next? Hit, hit us Gabby: off. Okay, so let's go with this next question. Cause I think we're going to turn it into a four. Full length episode at one point, but I think we could just still touch on it advice for a young woman, starting it to work in social media, marketing or business in general from Becca. And like I said, I think we want to kind of make this into a bigger episode because we probably both have a lot to say. Um, but I think we could probably come up with something pithy. To answer for this question, right. Mo go for it, pass away. Um, okay. So I kind of think this goes for anything that you want to create into a group, like making into a career by no means, am I saying that you don't deserve to be paid, but I kind of think just start doing it. Um, that was my experience anyway, with my job is just start doing it, even if it's just like, you know, Volunteering, um, your time just to get some experience under your belt, especially when it comes to social media manager or management, people just kind of want to know that you have experience, um, when you're applying for jobs in that role. And so staying on top of like, Social media trends kind of, if you're able to come into like an interview knowing, you know, some of those social media trends and also having like a few different accounts of experience paid or not under your belt, that's going to set you up for. Set you up really well for getting other jobs, if you're a freelancer or getting like a nine to five, um, cause when it comes to social media, it's not like one of those things where you, I mean, you can go, you can get a degree in communications and I'm sure. Social media is a huge, like a much bigger part of communications than it was when I went to school. Um, just because of the way things are, but I think still, so at this point, people are just looking for people who have tried stuff. So you definitely deserve to be paid, but if you have zero experience and like your launching pad is zero, just start. Doing stuff, whether it's for yourself. I mean, you could just ask a friend who runs a business, like, Hey, could I like get some experience running your account for free, do a little trade. Um, cause that's really gonna be the big selling point to future clients and interviews. Hmm. Great advice, Gabby. Hmm, do I move onto the next one? Sure. Going to save all your wisdom nuggets, your business wisdom nuggets for the full episode.

Mel: Do you know what, do you know what it is that why? That question intimidates me? Because I, um, I approached, I approached this kind of stuff. Maybe a wee bit more differently, like I, in terms of not, not in terms of what you just said, because that was brilliant, but just. In terms of, I want to know everything about you before I. Give you advice, right?

Gabby: Right.

Mel: I don't feel I'm like, okay. So tell me what your is. Tell me what you love to do. Tell me what feels good for you. What blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, I'm not. Yes. Yeah. Gabby: That is the Mel Wiggins experiences. The very tailored approach to finding your passion, pursuing your passion, which is what makes what you do. So awesome. Um, let's do this question from Reagan.

Mel: Okay. So Reagan asked, what was the moment you knew you had become friends?

Gabby: So I, I mean, I don't have like a very, um, like profound, I guess, answer for this. Um, I do, I don't know. Um, so it was, do you remember, we went to, um, a stout or general merchant yeah. On. On whatever road that is. I forget what it's called. Um, so that was the first time we ever really hung out and it was just like such a good time. Wasn't it? Like I have a pretty bad track record of like, I don't do cold coffee dates. Very well, it's not that I don't. I come into the experience expecting to not like the person or like with any kind of negative energy. I just think I just don't do well with them. Like in general, like I can carry on a conversation and a sociable way, but I don't know. I get, I think maybe, you know what it is. I think my frustration is that like, usually. What I really want is like, like when you go out to some coffee with someone, usually what you're looking for as a friend, right? Sure. Yeah. Like most of the time. Yeah. But you don't know anything about this person, so they're not your friend yet. And so I just want to like, get to the, that part, but I, without all the chat, but this is where I get a little complicated is. I also, don't like to be vulnerable on the first coffee date or even like the second coffee date. Most of the time, like, it's really hard for me to be like, go, I'm not one of those people is going to sit down and be like, tell me all your life secrets. I'm going to tell you mine too. Um, I feel like in that first coffee date though, we definitely went there. Yes. But it was so organic and it just kind of like happened and it just flowed and like, I didn't overthink it as

Mel: I was nervous to meet you in person. To like,

Gabby: oh no I'm sorry.

Mel: In like, uh huh. I mean, it's one of those things where you're like, yeah, let's meet up, let's meet up. And then we, then you're driving to go and meet up and you're like, oh shit, we're meeting up. We're meeting up

Gabby: what

Mel: if

Gabby: we actually

Mel: don't know each other. What if this is really weird, and I think I remember after that coffee date, you posted a picture. Like I, I had gone to the toilet and you took a stealthy, you took a stealthy, like table shot of our of our table. And when I got home, I saw that you had like posted a picture about meeting up and I was like, oh, good. Okay. We're good. Gabby: I didn't, I didn't even know that was going to have such a big impact, but I'm glad it did. I'm glad my stealthy Instagram shot paid off because look where we are.

Mel: Where are we are? Yeah.

Gabby: Okay. Let's go. Let's go

Mel: with this one from Beth.

Gabby: Okay. Shall we? Um,

Mel: okay. So Beth's asking about motherhood and how to not lose yourself in motherhood, um, which is, you know, The million dollar question. Um, and one of the things that I, I often think about it as high, like that's, that's, that was always such a big fear for me. Um, and I feel like comparatively to loads of my friends, we waited a bit longer to have kids. After we got married, like most of the people and I mean, in Northern Ireland, it's kind of just the thing. Like you get married and then you start pumping kids and it's pumping out rude. I don't know. It's a bit, it's a bit official. Um, so I was kind of like, oh, everybody's having kids, uh, um, And we made a good bet and, you know, moved to London and did a few things before we started having kids. But that was a huge fear for me. Um, what I've kind of realized is actually, and I, I'm not saying this, that this is everybody's experience or should be, but for me, I find that, um, anticipation of not wanting to lose myself kind of forced me into. Creating things for myself to not get lost it in motherhood alone. Um, and yeah, so like, uh, when Levi, when I was pregnant with Levi, that's when freedom started and when I was pregnant with EDA, that's when assembly started.

Gabby: So

Mel: I know that that is. Probably exceptional, um, in terms of the rules of how things go and you should do your own thing. But for me, that felt like the, that felt like the impending sense of the potential for this to really take over everything, um, which it does for awhile. Made me intentionally want to create something else to get me focus as well.

Gabby: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that's a great answer. I also think, um, actually this kind of goes back to the other question of why do we knew we would be friends because we met kind of when I was in the middle of feeling like I was losing myself in motherhood. And I remember being like, I'm not sure if I'm ready to have another kid anytime soon slash ever. And you were like, yeah, that's fine. And I feel like that was like one of the first you were of the first people or like women that I had expressed that to who weren't like, oh, but you're going to want another kid. And I was like, no, but what's wrong with me if I don't, you know? Absolutely. Um, But, uh, I'll have to say, I also wanted to say Beth, that I did have a period where I was like, cause I just everyone's different. Everyone's capacity is different. I think one of the things, one of the things motherhood really does for some people is it really crystallizes your capacity. So you get, you get really like acquainted with what you are capable of in a given day, week, month, year. And there, no, there's no capacity that's the right capacity. There's just your capacity. And so trying to stay in your own lane with that as much as possible can be a little tricky, but I find myself trying to like take on way too much. And like, I would promise clients like, oh yeah, I can totally do that. Or like starting new projects. And I just didn't have that capacity. And, um, that. That felt like, oh my gosh, I'm losing myself because like my whole thing is that I'm really good at starting stuff. Um, in. There's just seasons for it. Like there are seasons even within motherhood of like it's okay. It's not only okay, but it's good. If you can just be honest with yourself about where you're at in a given week, day, month, year, and just say this isn't the end of the story. This is just a season I'm walking through and what do I need to do? What are the boundaries I need to set up in my life that are different to other people's boundaries that are going to help me thrive and. Not even alive in your child, because you're already thinking about how you're making your child thrive all the time. Usually as a mom, that's right. Like it's okay to just take a minute and be like, does this actually help me thrive? Even if it's something I want to do, there's still time for it. There is going to be time for it. Just don't set yourself up for failure. That's what I would say.

Mel: Yeah, totally. Um, Yeah. Like, um, the only experience I can speak to is my own, and I definitely just needed something to be thinking about other than breastfeeding. Yep.

Gabby: No, totally. I mean, say

Mel: it was, yeah, that was my thing. And I was just like, you know, and even, I think when I think back to like the very, very first assembly event that I ran, like ADA was with my, um, Like I brought my mom, like my mom was like a side room, stay into her while I hosted it. And then I would run away from the table and breastfeed her and then run back. And do you know, like

Gabby: you're such a bad ass.

Mel: It was a bit crazy, but I just, I think I just had this real, like determination and faith and fear of like, I don't, I don't want to. I'm struggling to find the right language because motherhood does consume me. It does. And it should. It's massive. Um, but I just also wanted to, like, I wanted to maintain the other parts of me that make me who I am. So yeah, that was that. Anyway, that's, that's, it's super personal. It is. And that capacity stuff that you're talking about Gabby is spot on.

Gabby: That is super personal and maybe that's really the headline here is. It's personal and that's okay. And it's not only okay. It's good. That it's personal. So just figure out what your thing is, but in it it's not wrong. Yeah. Totally.

Mel: All right. Okay. We've got, um, A question from Eleanor, who's asking for number one advice for newlyweds. Congratulations,

Gabby: Eleanor. Congrats. I don't know if I have this, like ready to go off the top of my head. Do you have something that you're thinking about?

Mel: Um, I would. I know this, um, it's been a long time since I was a daily wet. It's like Dan and I are married like 14 or maybe 15 years. I can't remember. Um, so I'm trying to kind of be myself back to that time. Um, and I think just have a lot of fun. Would be nice. Like do all the things have a lot of fun because it gets, it gets not fun. I'm just

Gabby: kidding.

Mel: I'm not kidding.

Gabby: That's true. Well, like, like anything in life, like you get stuck into it and it's like, it's still, it can still be wonderful and great, but it can be hard. You know? I think that's a really good piece of advice actually, because like one of the things that. We had a few friends tell us, I was like, don't rush into parenthood. You'll never get the years before you have kids back in your marriage. So even if they're grown and out of the house, you're still going to be thinking about them. You're still going to be worried about them and wondering, like it's a kind of a special season to just. Um, even if like you're super eager to be parents, but to just like focus on your friendship and enjoy that season, because you'll never get it back again. Once you have kids, um, or if you have kids, if that's something that you experienced at some point, um, We Chris and I did a ton of traveling when we were like, just the two of us. And that was like, I don't regret a single trip. Like it was so formative to our marriage. And even now we look back on it, like our best. All right. I would say the highlight points of our entire lives, where our trips, we took together doing stuff like hiking through the Scottish Highlands and all of that stuff. Like it was just so special.

Mel: I agree. Yeah, definitely. And that's the time to kind of, I mean, it doesn't obviously mean that you won't have adventure and you wouldn't have incredible intimate, like. Formative moments when you do have kids, because it just adds another amazing level of you know, of what your about your family is and what your, your life is together. I think the kind of not recklessness, but just like spontaneous aspect of a marriage is. It's much more able to be like fulfilled. I think whenever, yeah, you don't have that, uh, responsibility. Um, Yeah, that's what I would say.

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Mel: a, that's a whole episode question.

Gabby: It is. It is. But I think we could probably touch on it a little bit. Um,

Mel: How do you know when friendships are worth fighting for, uh, yeah, I think, do you know what? There's some things that can happen in friendships that can really throw you off. And I think, um, there are also friendships that are re really seasonal in your life and. Um, people come into your life for, uh, you know, I, a couple of years or for a period of time when you're in a certain situation and you know, that movie feeds out and, um, you both kind of know that it's been tonight or whatever, and that, and that that's okay. Um, but I think whenever. I think I'm going to answer this almost like the opposite way. I think when you feel like the friendship is toxic, um, in a way that is really Harmon your, your sense of self and Harmon, your sense of self-worth or it's really continuously making you feel like shit. Um, I think it's really good too. To shine, a light on whether that friendship is, is worth, um, moving forward with or invest in. Um, but I think when you really know somebody and you know, their whole character and you can kind of see that. Having disagreeances or disagreeances Gabby: disagreements. Mel: I think, I think I just made up a new word, you know, but I liked it. Gabby: It felt good. It felt right. Mel: Um, when you can have disagreements or you can like hurt each other, but also repair that, um, honestly, and lovingly like. Those are that's worth fighting for, I think. Yeah. Gabby: Yeah. I think he, yeah, I think you, yeah, you kind of know when, when a friendship is worth fighting for, I think instinctively in some ways, at least I do. And I'm probably the worst person to ask about this because I feel like my life has been so transient that I'm really used to having. Friendships that are just for a season and being, and that they don't end for any negative reason other than like, you know, you move or like a life shift happens. And so I kinda, probably need to be a little bit better at like, I don't know, staying in touch with the people who are important with me are important to me. Um, but I think you kind of know sometimes like when a friendship has, uh, served you and, and the other person to, to the extent that it's, it's supposed to, and it doesn't mean that you guys are failures at friends being friends, and it doesn't necessarily mean that it's someone's fault. It could just be. A very, you know, natural and to something that was good Mel: or just a pause, you know, like I just often, and I've witnessed this in my own life throughout my late teens, twenties, thirties, even that, you know, you go in hard with friends for a while. Don't you? Like, I, I definitely have noticed that for myself. It's like, there are people that I'm, that are, that I have this like, Really intimate or intense friendship with it's definitely petered out. Um, In my mid to late thirties where I don't feel like that isn't necessarily a pattern anymore. I just kind of have the people that I know are consistent with me. Um, but I do think when you're figuring out friendship and Medlife like, we've already covered here, um, in a previous podcast that you, that you do just go through these seasons of like, you know, that's your kind of go-to person for a good while. And then yeah. And that that's okay being okay with that. Yeah,

Gabby: absolutely. Um, all right. I think that's, that's answers that question. Um, oh, here's another marriage question. How did you know your spouses for the people you were supposed to marry from Kinsley? Mm, well, I don't really, I don't believe in soulmates. I kind of think you can, you can kind of carve out a relationship with any number of people who could be right for you. Um, that's just my personal belief. Um, but when it came to Chris, I think I was super. I was a big commitment phobe, like coming into my relationship with him. And I don't even mind sharing that. I had had several years of therapy at that, at that point. And like I ended up back in therapy just because I was so afraid of commitment and so afraid of, not that I. It just felt like such a daunting thing to like pick someone for your whole life. Like that just felt like such a big ask and like, how would I know if I would still want to be with this person? And, um, I think the thing that Chris had that no one else I had really ever dated with. Or dated with dated before, like there was like a, there's a couple of things where I was like, okay, this could be true of other people, but this is what I know. I want to marry someone who has these things. One sexual attraction. We call that Dave and I call that the bone ability factor see up, like that is still important. Like you have to, you have to have that feeling in my opinion. Um, and then. Uh, is this person, does this person seem like a kind compassionate person? Um, and is, does he, does do they seem like they're going to conduct themselves in a way that is kind when things get hard and Chris definitely did. Um, and then the third thing is like, Do they make me laugh. And like, Chris makes me laugh every single day. Um, sometimes I'm laughing at him, but like, those were three things that I know I could have found in someone else. I'm not saying like, Chris was just this unicorn and I'm sure he would say the same about me, but I came to a place where I was like, these are, I think, three things that are super important to me. And like this person has them and. I don't know, I was also pretty like star struck with Chris when I met him. And that was a fun feeling to nothing. It has to be everyone's experience, but I was just like, so Gaga. Oh, I love

Mel: that. That's really sweet. I think, uh, yeah, what I would say about that was, um, so do you have an, I knew each other when we were kids, like we grew up. In the cm pretty much the same straight. And we like keep him. And my brother were friends cause they're closer in age. And his sister and I were friends, we all played together as kids and our families like knew each other. And then there was a whole bunch of, obviously I moved to Canada and back and forth all the rest of it. Um, and I. When do you have, and I reconnected kind of through a mutual friend. Um, this is a really abridged version, but, um, when we re when we reconnected, I had just like a couple of months previous come out of a relationship where. I had been with a guy for a couple of years and he was a total asshole, um, and was, and had like cheated on male whole bunch of times, like gas, let me, um, it was really messy. And I was, I was really broken about relationships at that stage. I was just like, uh, you know, I feel so I feel so, um, Betrayed, you know, of course, ready to trust somebody. And I think when Dave and I got like, when we reconnected and yeah, we went out with a mutual friend one night and Dave ended up kind of bringing me back to the place where I was staying because I was visiting, um, Northern Ireland, but living in London at the time and we like stayed up in his car. Like talk and all night just like chat, chat, chat, chat, chat. And I think both of us kind of knew that night. I don't know. Like, it was just that sense of like you, I could S I could talk to you all night. I feel safe with you. Yeah. I'm like this, I go, it was almost like, oh, this is how you're supposed to fail. Whenever you're. With somebody, this is how it feels to like, be, feel like you can trust somebody or they're traded, you're treated well. Um, and you know, like I could, I could easily go and spend time with his family and, um, And we had lots in common. It was like, he was, he was just someone that was, he felt known, you know, like he felt to me. So I think there's a whole combination of stuff there. And you know, it really was highlighted by my previous experience as well that I was just like, whoa, this is how it's supposed to be. Or you are a good, good guy. And, and that's what I want. So, yeah. I mean, yeah. And it was not long before we were engaged and yeah, that's awesome.

Gabby: And yeah, that's really relatable. Like, yeah, that's so good. All right. Okay,

Mel: next question. Should we go to Joel's question?

Gabby: Yeah, let's do it.

Mel: So she says, what's your go-to move when you feel stuck or lost an in bracket, she says, please say ice cream. I mean, if that is what you need to hear to well then yeah, I scream. It's absolutely as not a, it's not a, a wrong answer. That is for sure. Do you have a go-to move Gabby?

Gabby: Yeah. I read fiction. I love to read like this. I would say summer 2020 was just like a very, very overwhelming season for me. And, um, I just found myself, so I like love murder, mystery, novel series, and I. Found a new series last summer. And I like just worked my way through it. Like, it was like, it was like bingeing, a series on TV except books. And I was just kind of my safe place. It kind of, I liked that it like really, like, it allows my like serotonin levels to go up. It relaxes me it, um, It like stimulates my creativity and my imagination. Um, And so there's just a lot of stuff with that comes along with reading. For me, that has a really positive impact on the rest of my life. When I'm in a negative head space or I'm feeling overwhelmed or lost, or, um, what did she say stuck? Yeah, I would say I've totally felt stuck and it kind of, I feel stuck. It's, it's kind of like a good way to escape a little bit too. And then remind yourself like, oh yeah, there's a whole world out there. I don't have to feel stuck.

Mel: Yeah, no. Yeah, mine. I mean, mine is much the same. It is breast done and like figuring out what feels really restful to me. Cause I know that, um, my tendency is often to kind of push through that feeling or like try and, um, Pretend that it's not there. So usually it's like yoga breast, um, really, really needed some alone time. Um, yeah.

Gabby: Yeah. If I may check in Joel and see if you like, when's the last time you had like some proper alone time? Um, that's uh, I dunno, that's always like a good indicator for how well I'm going to do in a week. If I, um, Do or don't get that also. Yeah, I mean, on a, on a there's also, like, I just want to say like, no shame in going to therapy when you are like really in the, in that place. Like sometimes I've definitely had seasons of life where like, I felt that way and then. Like it doesn't matter what I do, how much alone time I get. Sometimes I get too much alone time sometimes. Like I've talked something to death with a friend and they don't have any, anything else to say. And I'm still feeling stuck, lost therapy can be a great place to go. And it doesn't even have to get to desperation point for it to be the right place to go. Definitely.

Mel: You know, definitely. It's such a beautiful thing to have. And I think at some stage we will do an episode on therapy, right? Yeah. Or, or, or, or the opportunity for help, but in our lives is a big, a big thing that we've talked about. But, um, yeah, like it's such a beautiful space for you to have that is just for UC to have somebody sitting in front of you, whether that's on a screen or in real life. A therapist that is absolutely there for unconditional positive regard of you is, is very special.

Gabby: Yeah. Very special.

Mel: I would say sacred.

Gabby: Yes. I agree. And like, even just to have someone who can ask you questions that I don't want to say hard questions, but thought provoking questions about your life, that isn't loaded with an agenda. Like they're not, they're not trying to get anything out of you. Like they're not trying to get you to behave a certain way for any certain reason. They're. There to ask the question. And sometimes that can just feel super freeing to be like, oh, I've never asked that question. Or have you ever felt the freedom to like, answer that question honestly. Um, and that can really kind of like get things unstuck as well.

Mel: Definitely. Yeah. I,

Gabby: up the therapy. Yeah. We're about that when we come back from our break probably, but. Um, do you want to do one more or are you feeling like I had? Okay. So someone asks for the full story behind Mel launching her launching assembly. And I, I personally think that's a good question, but maybe you think it's too much of just about you. I don't know. You're cringing.

Mel: No, I just don't want to like.

Gabby: Is it too

Mel: long of a, oh, it's not ugly. I, you know, like I said, when I was expecting ADA, I had been working in activism for a decade, you know, and really felt like there was. This kind of creative part of me, this, I was blogging all through that time. Just kind of things that I liked, you know, the kind of lifestyle stuff, um, was big then. And I was like, this is a nice outlet, but I really I'm really creative. And more of that more connection with the people that I was, Matan three Instagram and blogging and that kind of thing. So, um, I. Essentially just was like, what if we started to do like events where these women could meet with each other. And, uh, so I S I just kind of started there and I like thought of about, you know, 10 or 15 women that I would love to sit around a table with and talk to and force. To be my friends kind of a theme for me. Um, and I invited them all. Um, and there was like a ticket a might to cover expenses of like having a caterer and, um, someone to help out with like styling. Cause I wanted it to be really like luxurious and beautiful. And so it started with like males basically like. Uh, like assembly started with this beautiful orchard dinner and a workshop. Which I

Gabby: can still, I still remember those photos. Cause I was like, this is the most beautiful thing. How do I get invited to one of these? I know to an assembly gathering much to my sadness,

Mel: really special. And they've been put on hold obviously in the last year. We haven't had one since Christmas 2019, um, which is really sad because they are so special. Um, And the food is incredible and everything always looks beautiful. And I've got a little team of people that do all of that night. Um, and yeah, so it kind of started there and it was genuinely not planned at all. This is kind of an accidental business. Um, so it started with like may really seeing that I wanted to be around more women and more kind of. Creativity and all that kind of stuff. And then it's just evolved since then. It's evolved into, you know, conversations around the table where women were like, uh, I really want to do this, but I'm feeling so self-conscious about it or don't you hate it whenever this happens. And, uh, and then I was like, huh, I wonder if we could actually create space for more of these conversations and like supporting each other in this way. And that's, you know, a member's community started and workshops and. Coaching. And I did some training too, to really know how to coach well and all that kind of stuff. So that's really how it's evolved, but mainly it was because I wanted to force some people to be around and eat really nice food that I didn't have to make. Gabby: Go if you want to start assembly where you live. Oh, we did talk

Mel: about that before you. I know. We talked that was

Gabby: Nashville assembly. Yep. Actually comes back full circle to being aware of your capacity. That was like a big one where I was like, I really want to do this. And then I just like, I, I just don't have the strength, like strength. I'm like you think it would be really easy to like, just make a dinner party and.

Mel: No, it is events are not for the faint of heart. It actually, there's a lot of moving parts and a lot of payable, but it's, um, it's a beautiful thing to look back in pictures

Gabby: and it always looks more serene than pictures. I've done quite a few events in my time. It is a lot. They are a lot of work. Yeah. Anyway. Well, I think that wraps up our first asked me anything episode and our last one of the season. And sorry, if you submitted a question that we just didn't get to, um, There's only so many we can answer, but, uh, we will see you after our break. We will miss you. Oh yeah.

Mel: We want to just also say a massive thank 80 guys. Like say starting this week. I mean, we were excited because we get to talk to each other every week, uh, on purpose. Um, and we just didn't know how this was going to go, but. Uh, to be able to see how many people are tuning in and how many emails we get and messages from people who have been so kind and supportive and genuinely, um, are. So I don't know, just, it makes us feel less alone whenever you message us and say, oh, that I had that bed about whatever I totally failed latte or thanks for saying that because we're, we're just out here. Putting our words and our thoughts into a microphone. And we just, I guess didn't really know how that was going to be received. So honestly thank you because yeah, it's, it's vulnerable and, um, as much fun as it is, it is still vulnerable. And we just appreciate you guys less than, um, every, every week it means a lot. Yeah. And we'll see you in a few weeks when we return.

Gabby: All right. Talk to you later. Thanks everybody. Bye.