Episode 22: Pet Peeves

>>> Click here to read the computer generated transcript (note that the transcript isn't perfect)

Mel: Welcome back to the, make an effort podcast. This is the podcast where you get to drop in on a conversation with two friends, discussing all the things they make an effort with and some of the. They don't. Hi, Gabby.

Gabby: Hi Mel. How's it going?

Mel: I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Um, we've just had a pre podcast debrief, about free Britney. Oh my goodness. That is not what we're here to talk about today. Although we could, we really could. And I know that we touched on it a little bit in our last episode, but we are, we are team free, Britney army.

Gabby: I get team free, Brittany. And, uh, I just hope, and I said this to Mel. I just think whatever happens with this whole case, it's going to be a new Dawn for Hollywood and I am here for the ride. I am.

Mel: Yeah, let's let. The worms out of the can. Yeah. So today we thought, um, we would talk about pet peeves. Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, are you ready for a two hour episode?

Gabby: I know that was the thing. It was so bad. Well, I was just like, Trying to think of things like what things I was going to share. And I was like, what am I not annoyed by? Like, that's a shorter list. That's a much shorter list. Oh my gosh. And then I was like, you need to have a real, like, just chat with yourself, Gabby and wise up really. Yeah, no, I've got some things I've got some, some things to share today.

Mel: Yeah. Okay. Well, I had a conversation with my family at breakfast about this. Ooh. Um, so I was like, like, what do you think my pet peeves are? And Dave absolutely nailed the first, the first one Levi gave me the second one and he, cause he has the same. And then I, and then I wrote a couple other things during that I thought, yeah, Yeah, and it's hard to define what's what's a pet peeve and what's just straight up shouldn't happen.

Gabby: Right. Okay. Sure. I mean, I think that's a really moralizing your preferences at a certain point.

Mel: And I just, I just feel like as an N as an Enneagram, one, to ask me to go to time with things that I think should be improved. Well,

Gabby: no one really? I mean, no offense, no. One's asking you to go to town. We're just asking you to share a select few.

Mel: Well, I'm going to . Oh man. Okay. You go first. I want to hear what you have to say. So I have no idea what your, what your pet peeves are, but maybe when you say them, I'll be like, oh yeah,

Gabby: Okay, so this one's been bothering me for awhile and it's probably just like the old woman in me, but I can't help it. I am who I am right now the thing that is annoying me so much on social media is mostly improper use of language. So for example, She or we in place of I, so like we love a pizza or she looks good selfie and I'm like, no, just say I F and look good. Like, I look great right now. that stuff like, I cannot cope. I'm like, no, there's no way, like, just say I like pizza.

Mel: Well, I'm have a theory about that.

Gabby: Okay. I also do tell me yours first. I think it

Mel: softens up. Yes. So that you don't come across as cocky, but

Gabby: I just think you need to have a better relationship with yourself, own it. Like, sorry, I'm going off, but like seriously, like, I don't know. I just kind of think. It does soften it, but also it's lazy in my opinion, like if you're referring to yourself in the third person and every single Instagram story, no, don't do that. It's too much. It's too much just there's that's not how we use language. There's a reason why they're great reasons. Yeah. Just an, do you really want to like, look back on the things that you put out into the world and have them so dripping with stylists? I don't know, vocabulary of the time that you can barely, like, it's like when you look back and people are like, say groovy in the eighties, it's like the seventies. Sorry, but like, that's fine, but it's so dated. I think you automatically date yourself. Same with normalize. I cannot like normalize this or the posts where it's like, I don't need, I don't know who needs to know this, but, and then, and something super preachy afterwards. And I'm like, just say what you mean. Like don't try and guess who your audience is. Just some,

Mel: sometimes I like to do a bit of a. On stories. I'll be like, I don't know he needs to hear this, but, and then the next side it'll be something really stupid. Like, yes, I run it. You can watch one episode of the crime at a time. You don't have to watch them all tonight.

Gabby: Ironic, funny ones. Are they excuse here because okay. It is actually funny. The ones that I find unbearable and usually end up in it unfollow for me are when it, when people non ironically say, I don't know who needs to hear this, but what is this voice? I don't know. It's like entitled millennial preaching. Pretentious. Yeah. What morals they might have on the internet.

Mel: Another one, I think I've already said this in the podcast. Other one that really grinds my gears. Is. Yeah. If, if you know, you know, I know that one just like piss off. I don't actually know. I don't know. So now I watch now you've made me feel left out and that just feels, that feels cliquey. Stop

Gabby: it. I mean, I think that's the intended, the intended meaning. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I get it. I get it. That one bothers me too. That is etiquette. Isn't it? It's like, would you say this to someone in real life? Probably not. Like,

Mel: no, I'm not sure that we can even expect that that rule is going to apply in, on social media anymore. I know. Is it, is it fair to assume that that's what anyone is thinking? Gabby: No, I mean, to be fair, I don't talk online like I do in real life, but I try to keep it authentic. I try to keep it to not too much of a divergence from what I think my real self is, but I don't know just some of these trends are too much for me. And I'm done normalizing things. Just things like I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, is anything exceptional anymore?

Mel: No, no, nothing exceptional. Everything is mainstream and vague and, and B it shouldn't vanilla. All

Gabby: right. So that's my first one you go. Okay. Okay.

Mel: So this is the one that Dave immediately said, Unser. His answer was sorry. Oh, okay. If he was like noises and I was like, what? He's like, yeah, you, you and your whole family. And I was like, whoa, hang on. He's he's so right. We have like a, a full obsession pet peeve with CA with we're like super auditory sensitive. So I. will have to leave the room. If there is more than one noise, like one more, more than one sound coming from a device in the room. I cannot cope. It makes me want to go to my eyes. I, so if like Levi's watching football and it is watching something on the iPad, I'm like, no, I can't be here. Or if there's like conflicting signs or. Interrupting noises. Like sometimes I'll be, I'll be watching TV in the evening and will come in and like put a podcast on and I'm like, no,

Gabby: but does anyone know anyone cope with

Mel: that? I don't probably not, but I also have like a real. Uh, volume obsession. So I am forever adjusting the volume. I mean, that remote control is in my hand at all times to turn it up or turn it down. Wow.

Gabby: Okay. This is more, this is getting interesting. Continue.

Mel: Sorry. It's more quirks maybe than pet peeve, but a pet pave is absolutely like interrupting noises. Um, You know, like I wouldn't, I would not be able to go to sleep if there was some sort of noise coming from somewhere that I couldn't either control or recognized or Gabby: recognize. Okay. So, so what you're saying is. If you were to stay in an Airbnb and a busy city, and there was like cars going by in general ruckus, that's fine because you can't control it and you recognize it. But if it's like a beeping in the other room, that's you done? Okay. Done

Mel: great. Yes. So like, yeah. And even in the car, Driving, like I'm always adjusting the volume. I'm

Gabby: always adjusting the car volume for sure. A lot less now that I, like, I always have to put on some kid music for Danny, which means that I always have my AirPods in while I'm driving, because I I'm countless into Raffi anymore.

Mel: Mm fair. So are you like to wear airports when you were driving?

Gabby: I don't know, probably not. I

Mel: never even thought to do that. Gabby: Probably not someday. I usually, um, yeah, no, I mean, does it compromise

Mel: your faculties is the question.

Gabby: Probably not, I actually haven't found that it does. And in the beginning I was like very conscious of it. Cause I was like, you know, I don't want to not hear stuff, but I can hear, and maybe you couldn't cope with this because I can kind of hear Rafi in the background, but my brain can tune it out because I'm so used. Like I think especially that CD we've listened to it so many times it's actually white noise. Um, but yeah. I definitely can tune that out, but you can still hear stuff. Hmm. So,

Mel: I mean, that sounds like an auditory specifics, I think is what I'm, when they don't, when they don't know. When they don't line up, I get like pisses me off. Okay. What's your, what's some more of yours probably

Gabby: Rushing through these. Um, I only came up with three. I don't know why I thought that was a magic number, but I'm sure I could come up with more if necessary.

Mel: I'm sure.

Gabby: Uh, okay. This one is actually it's, it's etiquette based again. Um, when people are late. More when I am late, actually I'm equal opportunities with this. I'm just as annoyed with myself. If I'm late getting out the door, whether it's for a predetermined. Agreed upon time or a time I've just made up in my head. That would be the right time to leave that. Yeah. An arbitrary time. Yup. Yup. So if I'm late for either of those, and if people show up like late to meeting with me, I

Mel: how late is late in your book, so,

Gabby: okay. So I've gotten better over the years. Because I know that like life happens and that this is on some level, very much just my issue. Um, so I'm aware of that. I think anything past 15 minutes really gets me heated unless there's like a, you know, oh my goodness. I left at the right time, but I'm caught in traffic or like, there's something like, if you're communicating with me. That's great. But if you're like, if I get there and I'm like, I'm pulling up and you're like, I'm just leaving the house. I'm like, no, that's not, that doesn't work for me. No,

Mel: never that really piss me off. I think I feel really triggered by lateness as well, because I grew up in a house where my dad was always late and Dave was the same like Dave's mom is. Always late. Like you see those, those memes on Facebook, like, um, you know, if you you'll, you'll get a million dollars, if you can guarantee that you'll be late to something or whatever. And like, she just gets tagged in those things all the time. Um, so I grew up in a high S where I like getting picked up for skill. I was always Alaska.

Gabby: Oh, no, always

Mel: because, well, my dad was working, but he would tell us swerve into the school parking lot and picked me up. And I was, yeah, we were always late for church. We were always late for, for everything. And Dave Dave's family is the same. And so he has very much swung the pendulum to like extreme, extreme, like he thinks if you're five minutes early, you're late. Oh, yeah,

Gabby: no, that's, that's my standard. I hold myself to Chris is like, please, can we not show up five minutes early to the party, please, please. I'm begging you. Like, if it's a social gathering, he's like, I'm telling you when they said 4:00 PM, they meant four 30 and I'm like, no, we need to be there at three 50. Otherwise we're going to miss stuff. I definitely. Is yours

Mel: like a fun thing that you want to be there in time? Or is it like a, no, we need to be there on time because it's the right thing to do.

Gabby: Okay. What does for myself, it's, it's both, but really like, so like say we're trying to meet some at someone's house at four for like dinner or whatever, or barbecue or whatever. So I'm kind of gathering in my head the whole day. I have been working towards that time. So like, I've showered at a specific time with that in mind, I've gotten things ready. I've gotten my work done. I've tie-dyed this I've gotten Danny dress and everything has it's. It's not just about that time. It's all the times leading up to that time. Yeah. So if you've put in, so what, so what else, what always ends up happening is I've been like working towards the 4:00 PM. Arrival time since at least noon. Right. getting my ducks in a row. Chris, we'll get ready for it. Five minutes before four and be like, right. And I'm like, no, that's not how we're doing this. Like you, you get, if you know, it's coming, get ready within a reasonable timeframe so that we can be there for four, maybe four or five. You know, if we're feeling it, feeling it edgy, living on the edge,

Mel: you and I had a big conversation about this year in the wake doesn't lay a bite. So I was saying like how the most, the most tense time in our family is when we're getting ready to go out the door. Or yeah, like we're, we're leaving to go somewhere or we're packing up to come home from somewhere. It is like, Dave is, Dave's like most triggered time because of exactly what you said. And you said, oh, I'm the I'm Dave in this equation. Yeah. Like I'm the one that's like, yeah. And I get that whenever we have to be somewhere for a specific time, but I really struggle with hi. Like tightly, he holds to an arbitrary time. Whenever it's not necessary, it doesn't isn't reliant on anything. So it's like he had it in his mind that we were going to leave to go to the caravan at four o'clock. And it doesn't, there's no consequence if it's tough for, it's not like we're letting anybody dying, but it's cause it's in his head. He's just like, no, that's the, that is what we've been working towards. And I get that, but it is. Is honestly, we are, we are our laced best selves in that, in those moments where we have to get out of the house. And I'm sure a lot of families could really up to that. Oh, I

Gabby: mean, same 1000%, same. And I think like in, in his defense, because I am the same way. It, it, it comes back to that domino effect though, because even if it's an arbitrary time, especially knowing Dave, the little I know of Dave and like, I know that yes. Okay. It might be an arbitrary 4:00 PM arrival time, but he's already planned out the times after that. So it's like, okay. Get to the north coast by four. You know, maybe drop our bags off. How about we like half hour get dressed, go down to the beach. Then we can maybe grab some dinner, grab some tea, you know, have another, we play kids, go to bed. I'm doing my thing. It's 8:00 PM. Everything's great. So like, it's not just about the arbitrary time. It's like all the dreams. Are on the shoulders of that arbitrary time. I haven't check this with Dave, but if he's anything like me and what's

Mel: going to happen right now, I ask him, he'll

Gabby: have Paul, he'll pause this. And they'll be like, get Gabby on Marco

Mel: polo, get her on right now. So I can

Gabby: speak to her. I'm here for you, Dave.

Mel: And it's, it is so true. But it's just that he, he like becomes this different person when we're trying to get out of the house. And I'm just like, I don't know why you're so mad at everybody, but like nobody is thwarting your plans here. Although he would say. I do the stupidest stuff, right. Just when we're supposed to be leaving. And this is probably going to really trigger you. I'm

Gabby: already kind of

Mel: feel the tension in my shoulders. So we'll be like, do you have, we'll be like pack in the car. Right. And I'll be like, I'll be like, I'm just going to fold these tiles and put them away, or I'm just going to do a quick sweep or I'll just make sure all these dishes are done and he's like, no, no,

Gabby: no art. We go, no, that's because that's part of the prep that you do for the leaving time. Those jobs should have happened at one or 12 or whenever, but not like five minutes as you're getting out the door. I don't know if I do it

Mel: in like a rebellion to it or a resistance to me troll that emerges in that moment. Or if there is part of me that does fixie it on. I know that if I get all of this stuff done, no, I like it probably wouldn't be a big jobs, but. I know if I get this stuff done, know that when I come back and we'll all be sitting in a heap and that will make me feel even more stressed out. Cause then there'll be stuff to pack or unpack and laundry, and then all the extra stuff that we've left and didn't attend to. So yeah, I'm definitely, I definitely get it, but also sometimes it's because I have been. Like getting loads of stuff ready for everybody else. And then at the very last minute, I'm like, oh, I forgot. I need to go. And like clean those shoes before I put the ball and you know, it's stuff to do with me or I haven't, I haven't brushed your teeth or whatever.

Gabby: Yeah. You know,

Mel: so

Gabby: there's a bit of that. I'm not saying that Dave and I are in, so I can't even say it out loud. I was just going to say. I'm not saying that we're right, but no, I am saying that

Mel: you're saying you're better.

Gabby: All I'm gonna say is that literally anytime we're going out the door, which is multiple times a day, this is a problem in my marriage. Oh,

Mel: definitely. And I mean like the first 20 minutes of any journey after that moment is just frosty silence and like, yeah. Peering out the window in a rage, you know, everybody's just tense in the car. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife and then we, you know what, then it softens out and we all just like take a

Gabby: breath. But that the best way to circumvent that frosty period is to offer to swing by a coffee place. Mm. So if you offered to stop,

Mel: it would not fit the schedule.

Gabby: It

Mel: would be more, you would be more like breezy that you've left and that it's, you know, it'd be nice to have a coffee. Dave would be just like, if you wanted a coffee, should have got a coffee before we left.

Gabby: I know it just depends on the level of frost that's going on. True. That's true because for me, sometimes it's just getting in the car is like the battle that I'm fighting. Oh, it is for sure. But yeah,

Mel: you get 20 minutes up the road and you're like, did I leave my straightener? Oh, yeah. Um, and I think Dave would rather the house burn down than tourn around

Gabby: That seems reasonable to me. No,

Mel: he wouldn't. He wouldn't, his anxiety would not let him drive on. He would have to turn right. Or we would call the neighbor, has to our house and be like, can you go and check that her straighten herself? Um, yeah. Okay. All right.

Gabby: Straw us draw a line in there. And moving on one, moving on. Okay. The one

Mel: that has probably been the most, the kind of most prominent pet pay for may through my whole life is lied. Noisy

Gabby: eaters. I mean, same, you took mine. Just hearing people chew, literally like, oh, go ask

Mel: Mr. Like I cannot, and there are people in the world who do not know that that's not okay.

Gabby: Yes. Well, it's miss isn't it called? Like misophonia or something like that. Actual like, not disorder, but it's something about like some people when. They hear those noises. It triggers something in their brain where, and I, this is what my dad told me. So you could Google it and it could be completely wrong. But because my dad told me I automatically trust it. So there's something about where, like in your brain, if you're not the one eating and you hear it, it triggers some kind of like negative, like disconnection where your brain is like, no, I can't, I can't cope with that because. I'm not chewing. Like I'm not going through the chewing motions. So that noise it's like you just, your brain kind of falls apart. At least that's what happens to me. Like I can't hear anything. So

Mel: Same it's, it's connected to the like signs and noise fixation for me. I'm just like that. If I notice it, that's all I'll notice for the rest of the mail. Oh,

Gabby: it's awful. It really is awful. Do you know that the worst is so I'm still not the best chewer?

Mel: Like you don't chew

Gabby: enough? No, I mean, like, I feel like while this annoys me to my core, I also am an offender where like, I don't have the best chewing. No, it's on a scale, Shirley,

Mel: because there's like, there's like the sloppy

Gabby: oh yeah. Kinda

Mel: aiders who just like allow you access to inside their mouth throughout their mail, which is just the height of the offense. And I think it varies it in degrees, in decline, in degrees too. Like Dave. Per day. I feel like I'm rubbing on him today, but I'm really not. It's like,

Gabby: it's just

Mel: like, I can hear, even though his mouth is closed, I can hear

Gabby: what's happening in there. Right. I mean, that's what I feel like I do. Like, I feel like I'm always. Cause I, so I have like a bit of a dislocated jaw. So to state, I

Mel: don't know if it's discipline, but I can hear, I can hear

Gabby: his cliquey. Yeah. When he choose, I always know my jaws go working overtime whenever we're like in the middle of dinner. And Chris is like, I'm just going to pop on some music. I'm like F-you man. But also fair enough. Fair enough.

Mel: Super like respectful and polite way, like navigate the annoyance, whereas I'm just like, would you ever stop chewing like that? I can hear it. And Levi as well, like Levi, he hits it. In fact that was his first one. I said, what's your pet pave son. Okay. It's like daddy's tune, but Dave isn't,

Gabby: he isn't like a, no,

Mel: doesn't do it on purpose is that you can hear some spice and it probably is just us. I can hear it cause

Gabby: we're there. But I do think the closer you are to the person emotionally. The more, it bothers you like my siblings. Like, I, they all make so much fun of me because I can't even eat with them practically. So that's because

Mel: they can hear you and you

Gabby: get in there and they're not like slummy eaters. Like they just are eating and living their best food life, like normal, polite humans. And you're just

Mel: hyper focused on that. Yeah, so that one is, is a big one. Gabby: Was that your third one? That was my third one. Okay. You so

Mel: say you're going to go ahead. I'm going to go ahead and say that the other one that really bothers me is no eye contact when you're talking to somebody. So, you know, when you're talking to somebody and they're either like they just can't make eye contact or they just they're maybe like looking around to see who else is around or like. Yeah. They're, you know, they're not focused on the conversation that pisses

Gabby: me off. I am pretty sure I do that. I'm terrible at eye contact. Are you? I actually, I think I am. Yeah, no, I wouldn't thought that well. Okay. So I'm okay with it, except for like, when I, if I'm like telling a story or if I have a bit of a monologue going, I do tend to look off. And kind of tell my story. That's different. I don't know. It's different

Mel: when you're talking it's different to you, right? If someone's talking to you.

Gabby: Oh no, I have no problem. When I'm the F when I'm the center of attention and I'm the one speaking. I cannot make eye contact, but if someone else is speaking, I'm like locked in.

Mel: Good. That's good. Yeah. I just, I find that really annoying when people are just kind of looking around you rather than looking at you when you're talking. I just feel, it just makes you feel so small, I think. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Do you want to hear ?

Gabby: I actually do. Okay.

Mel: So his pet peeve, when you go like into a clothes shop or something, and he's like, I cannot cope with how much clothes stroking happens with women in clothes shops. He's like all they do, all you guys do is just walk around and touch stuff and just stroke the clothes. And it's so annoying. Like I just trying to get to the till and you're just standing there feeling at a top. And all I want is to like, get around you and pay for my white sports socks. Oh

Gabby: my goodness. I mean, I've never thought of that. We do do a lot of clothes stroking, but you can get so much information from just one touch. That's true. It's really informative. It tells you if you want to, if it just looks nice or if it feels like if you're going to want to try and wear that or put it on, or if it's like, oh, like sometimes I'll touch something and be like, oh no, that's not for me. Yeah, I

Mel: agree. You know what I mean? I think it's an important process and in shopping.

Gabby: Absolutely. But I do think that's a really specific and funny one. I love it, but he

Mel: also really hits it whenever people finish a toilet roll and just leave the empty rule set in there. Uh,

Gabby: monsters, monsters. I probably do that. Okay. Well, I'll say this. So I. Hate that, however, to try and circumvent that as much as possible, the way we've always set up our bathroom is we have a wee basket, like a nice little decorative basket, and I fill it with. Toilet paper rolls and that sits right in front of the toilet. So you have no excuse to just not grab one because you can literally reach it from the toilets. Oh no, I can

Mel: I'll grab one and I will always replace it, but I leave the empty role

Gabby: sitting somewhere. Oh, right. Yeah.

Mel: Do you know what I mean? Like that's the offense. The offense is, or we have one of these like Ikea freestyle toilet roll holders. So the toilet will be finished. And I'll leave that on the like, roll bit and then I'll grab a new toilet roll and then I'll just like tying it on the side, like right

Gabby: on like the window. So yeah. Yup. Exactly.

Mel: Back of the toilet.

Gabby: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, it needs to be easy though. Doesn't it like if it's one of those like click and like undo and then put it back at like that's no, one's got time.

Mel: And also just to like, process. The Haida laziness is, you know, like taking a toilet, roll downstairs to put it in the recycle. And I feel like I need, yeah, that's a too small of a job.

Gabby: Yeah. You need like a, uh, like a week collection. Don't you really? I do.

Mel: I need like more recycling to come with. To make it worth my time. Maybe that's what it is. So those were his as well. I Gabby: should have asked Chris what his, his art, his, his, his, and his,

Mel: his are. And then we had a lengthy discussion about bad drivers and like certain, like driving, driving things that drive us crazy. So like when people park too close to your

Gabby: car or

Mel: do you really hits it when people take a really slow turn into a side road when you're cutting. Yeah, stuff Gabby: like that. Yeah. I, um, I'm a notoriously angry driver. Ex ex shocker, uh, except for when I'm in the UK. And I'm probably one of the people that everyone else on the road hates because I am so overwhelmed by all the new role, like group makes sense and all of that, that I just am. I'm just proud to have gotten somewhere in one piece. Like

Mel: I know, I know, I feel like. Um, I feel that that most days I feel like that when I go to like Belfast or something and I'm not used to driving, I went, I went to Belfast a couple of weeks ago to get my haircut. I was the first time since the pandemic that I really driven in the city, um, because we just, weren't going into Belfast and. If we had been David Ben driving. So I, and I was really nervous. I was just like, how does this work? Do I have to pay for parking here? What, like that makes me really nervous. Yeah.

Gabby: And done it like such a legend. When I drive into Belfast, like, I'm kind of like, I feel like I should be getting some kind of applause when I get out of the car.

Mel: Oh yeah. I mean, I remember driving in London when we moved to London, we had a car for the first like year. Oh my gosh. And we were, but we were half heavily reliant on our GPS obviously. Um, and driving in London is it's a whole thing. But, um, I was picking up my friend from the airport and on the way back. So it was just me on her and she was coming from Canada. So she doesn't know anything about wherever we are and my GPS cut out on the way back. And I was like, well, I don't know where I'm going. And we literally had to ring Dave and was like, you need to direct me home because. Um, I've been too reliant on this. I have no idea. I don't know where I, um, I don't know if the exit is, I don't know. I'm not. Yeah. And it's really stressful.

Gabby: Really stressful. Really stressful. Okay. I've got one more. All right. And I thought of one of Chris's as well that I'll say, go for it, go for it. So Chris is, is when people say things like, oh yeah, we're totally flexible. Or like, you know, whatever you want, but actually they have a very specific plan. Like you like, he's like, it's fine. If you just tell me, like, I have a very concrete idea of how I want this time to pan out or what I want for dinner. Whatever I can cope with that. What I can't cope with is the fallout of your expectations. Unvoiced expectations not being met. That is, I, I don't know if it's his biggest pet peeve, but it is definitely one of the ones that comes up a lot with you guys, like within, yeah, like would definitely like in our marriage, but then also just like. Yeah. Like with our friends, like, you know, like not, I mean, not that we have this, that happens a lot, but just like when, you know, someone's like kind of like a wee bit disappointed with how something's turned out, but they've never said, did they want it a certain way? it's like, just tell me, just tell me it's fine. I don't care. I really don't. Claire's kind

Mel: clear. The sign says Braylee. It's true. It's all that kind of, yeah, no, we're cool.

Gabby: We're breezy. We're, we're, we're flexible, whatever, but also was

Mel: really hoping that this specific thing would happen. Um, yeah. Yeah. It's hard to, it's hard to say that because I think we don't want to come across as. Needy or like,

Gabby: yeah, well, people have, have problems voicing their wants and needs B usually because of how they were raised. But like, for example, like one of Chris and I have really had to work through this, we're like, I, I always. I don't know. I always assume there's like some kind of passive, aggressive tone behind everything. Like I used to, I I'm much better about it now, but I used to assume that a lot more and he would say stuff to me and I would like blow up. And he was like, why are you getting so wound up about this? I'm like, well, when you said this, what you really meant was this? And he was like, no, I meant exactly what I said no more, no less. And that, that was like a huge thing. And our like discussions and the beginning of our marriage where I'm like, what are you? What's the, what's the unhidden thing that you're saying, right? Or like,

Mel: let me interpret you interpret that through a lens of Gabby: criticism. Yeah. Yep, exactly. Yeah. As well. Anyway, I just likes things to be clear.

Mel: Well, that's good. I think that's really good. And I think. I think the world would be a much less ambiguous, like free falling boundary kind of place.

Mel: If people were more clear about what they needed to, what they wanted and what they expected. Um, okay. So my last one is really silly, but, and it's not necessarily a pet peeve, but it does like why. Every time I see it. And it happens way more than

Gabby: you think it is. But when people

Mel: don't get the correct spelling of brief

Gabby: oh, with the and they

Mel: like post stuff on Instagram and they're like, you know, they put up like a dreamy sane and they're like, oh, just breath.

Gabby: It happens way

Mel: more and I just wish people would just double-check for that at the end. Does it need an a, are you talking about breath or do you want to say breathe? Let's just double check it because you've actually ran that for me and that what could have been a really relaxing thing to view you've you've popped that up big time around it.

Gabby: Again, with the moralizing, the pet peeves. No, I'm moralizing. I'm just, absolutely. I think that's the whole point of pet peeves is that we all kind of moralized them a wee bit. Uh, yeah, I know. It's the language thing really. It's it's tough. Isn't it? Especially when, like so much of our communication these days is online through the written word. Yes. It's like, we do need to pull it together a bit, but also. I don't know. I get that. No, for the folks, I'm just going to post like a something today and it's just breath, just breath, just breath.

Mel: Um, it does make me laugh, but it also really irritates my any way in any way. I think that's enough of our Steve vibes for one, for one episode. Um, it's again, it's so nice to be back. Isn't it. And just chatting to each other. Yeah. Hearing from you guys. Um, and we have an episode coming up that we need your help with. We need your thoughts on, um, and so Gabby and I wanted to, I guess, pull back the curtain a little bit purity culture.

Gabby: So this is,

Mel: yeah, both of us have re like we have spent a lot of time talking a bite together. Um, and by purity culture, I mean, um, for those of us who maybe grew up in. In church or religious organizations, the messages that we received around our bodies around sexuality, um, and sex and the implications of that. So. We are really interested and we know that this is not a small topic, which is why we would love to include more of your voices and experiences. Um, if you feel comfortable sharing with us, we'd love to hear from you. What has been the impact of that purity culture on you? Yeah. Um, yeah. And what, and what have you, where have you landed with some of that stuff around. Bodies sexuality, um, and faith and that kind of thing of further explanation gaps. Well, I think

Gabby: you really summarized that very well and, um, I guess I would just say we already know what each other thinks about this topic, because we have talked about it so much, but I do think that there is so much benefit into in hearing other people's stories about these more challenging. Topics or more nuanced topics. And I think that, um, I would really love to hear what everyone else thinks about it, for sure. Yeah. Mel: Yeah. So, like we said, um, in the episodes before where we've called out for your thoughts and your voices, you can email us at, um, hello at making an effort, podcast.com. Um, but we'd also really love to get your voice notes. Really specific, easy instructions on how to do that on our website. Um, if you go to the contact page on our website, you'll find like an easy way to do that by recording a voice note and emailing it to us a hello@makinganeffortpodcast.com. Um, and so we'd love to hear from you, um, any and all of your thoughts on that. I'm sure there are so many, and we probably must to hold Gabby: that really carefully. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, it'll be good. Yeah. If any of our previous, uh, Collin episodes or anything to go by, it's going to be awesome because you guys have great things to say. Yeah.

Mel: Okay. Well, thanks everybody for listening and we will see you next week. We'll see you next

Gabby: week. Bye bye.