Episode 14: What We Miss About Our Twenties
So this was supposed to be an episode about what we miss about our 20s and while we do talk about that, we mostly chat about what we’d do on our perfect girl’s trip weekend to London.
But in all seriousness, there’s something magical about those early adult years and we just spend this episode daydreaming about them.
And we fact checked the “caffeine facts” that Gabby randomly spouted out and found this little diagram from @maxlugavere’s Instagram so that’s how you know it’s true.
There aren’t a ton of show notes for this episode since we were just shooting the breeze about our younger days, but if you have a story from your 20s you want to share, send us an email!
>>> Click here to read the computer generated transcript (note that the transcript isn't perfect)
Mel: It's that time again, where we want to include your voice and our podcast and Gabby and I are going to be recording a podcast all about faith and spirituality. It's something that's been a big part of our stories as people. Um, and there have been some significant things that we have had to unlearn or relearn as we've gone along.
And we really want to hear from you by some of your experiences in that as well. So, uh, if you're. Faith or your understanding of faith and spirituality has shifted in adulthood. We would love for you to send us a voice memo. So all you have to do is head to our website and there is instructions in our contact page about how you can do that.
We would love for you to keep that a under a minute, if you can, so we can include as many of your voices and your stories as possible. Uh, we think this is going to be a really interesting conversation and we can't wait to share our own thoughts with you. To, um, hear more about your story as well. So send us a voice memo.
Gabby: Hi, and welcome to The Making An Effort Podcast with Gabby and Mel. This is a podcast where you get to drop in on a conversation with two friends, discussing all the things they make an effort with and some of the things they don't. Hi, Mel, how are you? Hello?
Mel: I'm fine, thank you. How are you?
Gabby: Good. This week, we are going to be talking about things that we, uh, Things that we wish or things that we wish we could do in our thirties that we did in our twenties.
And I feel like it's worth mentioning that this conversation can include things that we wish we could do in our forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, uh, that you did in your twenties, but we can only speak to. The third decade, this decade, I'm sure we'll have new thoughts as we get older. Uh, but yeah, I'm very excited about this one.
Mel: There are so many things, so many things.
Gabby: I feel like it's just an, this episode is just us saying that we're getting old and you know what it's a privilege to do. So. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I,
Mel: I think it's, um, First of all there's, there's some like criteria to how things change. Isn't there. Like. I guess for us, especially in our own circumstances, the reason why things change are because we have more responsibility.
Sure. Right.
Gabby: There's just part of what I wish could change about my theory. Yeah. Big time.
Mel: Oh, for sure. I feel like at the first thing that I want to say about this is I wish that I could just not generally not feel as guilty about things.
Gabby: Yeah.
Mel: Um, I feel like it's almost a prerequisite to having more responsibility that you feel more guilty. The first thing that I was going to say was, I wish that I could just skip out on certain things without feeling guilty about it like I used to in my 20s, you know what I mean?
Gabby: No, I don't. What are you?
Mel: You know what I mean! Like just, you know, in your twenties, if you didn't want to do something, you just.
Gabby: Wouldn't do that. Yeah. But like, what are you, what specifically are you thinking about?
Mel: I don't know, but you know, like if, when you were like in your twenties and you were maybe doing like, or you were at university, maybe that's not your twenties, but, and you just were like, man, I don't feel like going to class today. I'm not going.
Gabby: Right. Right. Yeah.
Mel: I didn't feel. Well, I didn't feel one ounce of guilt. Um, or, you know, like. Yeah. I just feel like there's a little bit more permission in your twenties to just kinda, um, not, not do things that you don't want to do necessarily, but there's slightly more that responsibility pace and that like, you're actually a grownup. Um, you need to show up for this thing or you need to like, Give that person a call or you need to make sure that you remember that thing.
Like there's a lot of guilt. If you were sharing those things, do you know what I mean?
Gabby: Yeah, I suppose. I mean, I also kind of think that I've always been really bad at like, Oh, sending a card or making sure this is taken care of. Or like, I always really appreciate receiving from people who...
Mel: Me too, but I'm a shit friend, like, uh, I'm trying to get better though.
And I actually feel like this year I have turned a corner on that. Gabby: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Yeah. I feel like you're very responsible in our friendship.
Mel: No, well it's no, I feel like, okay. So my friend, Michelle and I have had this agreement, um, a few years ago, like she is one of my very best friends, you know, Michelle?
Gabby: Yes, I do. I love Michelle.
Mel: Yeah. And shout out to Michelle, big fans, big fan. Um, do we have this agreement? Uh, many years ago that we, we just understood that we are not the kind of friends that did well at remembering each other's birthday and sending thoughtful things, or like sending each other's kids things or doing all that kind of stuff. And we just gave each other a pass, I think on that but this year... Gabby: yeah, I was going to say, I feel like this doesn't make sense to me cause I know for a fact that you sent her a really thoughtful present for her birthday this year, is this you maturing?
Mel: I think I might be. No. Do you know what it is? It's because this year has been like we, I mean, Michelle and our other friend Ruth and I, we like always have made a point for the last number of years that, because we all live in different parts of the UK, that we would have an all out girls weekend once, once, at least once a year. And it's been over a year since that's happened. And I just, you know, I'm just like, okay, I can order stuff on the internet to be delivered to my friend's houses.
Like there is no reason and it actually, I find that it brings me a lot of joy that today I'm just like, Ooh, I think I'm becoming that friend. And then, yeah, just being able to like, Cause I know I do love that. Just kind of a heads up to any of my friends, super open to receiving gifts.
Gabby: Great. I've stashed it, not speaking to anyone in particular, but if there's anyone out there.
Mel: I think it is as we've become less able to connect meaningfully in lots of ways.
Um, it feels really nice to be able to just like, Bring an element of thought to friendships. Uh, we're a bit off topic here, but it's, it's in the same van of yeah.
Gabby: You know, it's great.
Mel: The guilt and I don't feel guilty. Um, I wouldn't have felt guilty in my twenties about forgetting a friend's birthday as much. No, but I think it's just in your thirties, a wee bit of a, Hmm.
Gabby: Yeah. I totally get that. I think I've just, I've never been good at good at that. Or even like remembering to call people or, and maybe it's just cause I'm very self absorbed. I mean, there's probably an element of it. I mean, I don't know anyway, uh, no, I, I get that I think, but here's my question.
Do you think that it's society. Making us feel less carefree or is it a mind shift mindset shift that happens that like you can be as free. But the thing is like, if some, if I acted like I did in my twenties and my thirties, I would be ashamed of myself. Why? I don't know. I think I was just very, okay.
This isn't, I'm not saying that this is all 20 year olds. I'm just talking about. 20 year old Gabby, 21 year old Gabby, whatever.
Mel: Oh, you're giving it like early twenties just for some wiggle room.
Gabby: Just for a bit of wiggle room. I mean, I just think that I was, I was really self absorbed and not even necessarily in like a I'm the best blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but just like constantly thinking about me, whereas.
I think as you get older and also there's some, like, oftentimes there's a lot of life, like life shifts that happen. Like you can get married or get in a more serious relationship or start to have kids or have to care for parents, or, you know, there's all sorts of things that happen when you get a little bit older sometimes. Um, and so it kind of like, I think it actually really does like jolts you out of that mindset of. Thinking about yourself, right? It was my experience. Anyway, I don't know. Um, but okay. As far as like silly things, I wish that, uh, I w okay, this is what I miss. I miss, like going on a girl's weekend or whatever, and being able to like, stay up till four in the morning and then getting up a few hours later at nine.
Having coffee and just having a normal day. Oh, totally. I can't even like now I know that if I went on a girl's weekend with you, this is what we would, what would happen? Yeah. Let's talk about that. What would happen if it was you? Me, Michelle, whoever else, this is what I, and whoever else I feel like. What we would do is we'd go out around six 37, get a few drinks, have dinner at seven 30, eight respectable.
Yeah. Respectable, probably have some dessert, eat that dinner out to like nine. And then we would maybe like, just hang out and talk. And if we were all staying at the same Airbnb or hotel, I think it would be safe to say we would all be in bed by 10 30 and I'm not trying to be sly, but if we all were in bed by 10 30, so that we could get up and seize the day, the next day, I would not be shocked.
And I'm not trying to speak that over. Anyone else, but I could totally see my, at least me being stoked about being like, yeah, get in bed 10 30, 11.
Mel: Nope. I wouldn't allow it. Nope. He's never been on the girls weekend. No, I will ring that sucker dry.
Gabby: So what, okay, so what time would you permit people to go to bed?
Mel: Permit brilliant. Um.
Gabby: Just say that's how I would feel about it.
Mel: Like, we would have, we would have dinner and then I would be like, Let's all go back to my room or let's go to someone else's room and we'd all pile in and there would be all the big, deep chats, all the silly shafts I would probably do. Like we would probably do like a full nighttime cleanse.
I would get all my products. So we would do a full facial, you know, because yeah, we are also respectable women. Yeah. Who take our makeup off at night. I know. I wish I could do that. I wish I could not take my makeup off at night because in my head.
Gabby: I literally cannot.
Mel: I know.
Gabby: Cannot.
Mel: I know my, in my twenties, it was like lucky if there was a baby wipe handy, I know I'm like, all right, it's dinner is done let's takeover.
And I love it, I actually love it.
Gabby: I do too. I can't imagine my life without like doing my bedtime routine anymore or like my skincare bedtime routine, but like when I was on the road with Chris on tour. So like, I let's see, I started doing that when I was 25, 24, 25. So mid twenties. Um, I felt like there was solid for three, four years.
There were. I just, I would just get into bed. Like I would maybe have like Burt, bees, fate, like, um, WIO wipe, just wipe it off the skin care routine. Yeah. Collapse in bed. Yeah. And then sometimes I would like wake up and there would still be like mascara coming off. My eyelashes.
Mel: You just lick your finger and wipe it off. Gabby: Good. I can get away with that shit and your thirties. No, you cannot.
Mel: No ma'am. Um, so yeah, we would do a full skin care thing, but that is not the party stop and I will be pouring you a drink. After every stage of skincare.
Gabby: So I still don't know the critical information. What time would I be allowed to go to bed?
Mel: Well, you would probably make a little, a little...
Gabby: be careful about how you answer this, because it may determine the future of.
Mel: You would be doing all that like big, stretchy yawns. Like, I don't want to tell them that I'm breaking up the party, but I'm going to need you guys to just go to bed.
I'd be like, Gabby, no, absolutely not. We never get to do this. We never, I would lay the guilt on. I'd be like, we never get to do this. You're staying. And let's play the Spotify game. That's what we would do.
Gabby: Oh my Spotify game. I'm going to explain the Spotify game in a second, but... this is what I'll say. I do think it's location dependent.
So like say we were in a big city, like London or New York or something like that, where there was like a lot to do. I would feel like I was missing out. If I didn't get out the door by 9:00 AM. Oh, really annoying.
Mel: I don't think I'd want to go on a girl's trip with you because that would be so annoying.
Gabby: Okay. But I like, so would you just stay in bed til what time?
Mel: I would stay in bed till nine.
Gabby: Okay. And then?
Mel: Yeah. Are you kidding me? I am ruled by my children all day. Every day.
Gabby: I know missing all of the, like you're missing stuff. Mel: No, I'm not. I am. I'm gonna enjoy it. On a full stomach, on a rested body, on of caffeinated head.
Gabby: Oh my gosh. You should go on vacation with Chris because I think you guys are on the same page with that.
Mel: But I'm just saying all of this lovely stuff will still be there at 11 o'clock.
Gabby: No, but it won't. That's the point like the good baked goods will be picked over.
Mel: You're just thinking about the bakeries.
Gabby: Yes. I'm thinking about the bakeries. I'm thinking about like it, the thing is it won't be there. The lines will be longer to get into things. The museums would be more busy like the early you have to see the day I have a solution. I'm feeling very panicked.
Mel: I have a will be picked over. I will allow you to go to bed at 11.
Okay. If you get up early. And go and get all of us because it's and bring it back to the hotel deal.
Gabby: Perfect. I think this would work perfect for me.
Mel: Yeah, because you love like a little like romantic, uh, stroll by yourself with your headphones on, go into the bakery. Imagine that you live there cause you're an Enneagram four.
Gabby: That literally sounds so dreamy. I can't even.
Mel: You're like I'm in a Hugh grant movie in London.
Gabby: In my defense. There's nothing worse than rocking up mid morning to a bakery at like 10 45. And they're like, Oh yeah, we have like one blueberry muffin left.
Mel: Yeah. Those bakeries need counsel too, because I hear that there's a couple of like, Donut shops like, you know, the artisan donut shops here in Northern Ireland and bakeries and stuff, and they always sell out and I'm just like, make more stuff for us who like to sleep!
Gabby: Or they just have like a second wave. It's like we first drop happens at 7:00 AM. Exact second drop happens at 11:00 AM.
Mel: Oh, perfect. Why is that? Not a thing, like, just get your shit together. Be a grease for us. Um, but yeah, no, there would be no, uh, yes. The first thing on my list, I have a document open of things I wanted to talk about. And the first thing, the first note, the first thing on my list is spontaneous sleep overs.
Gabby: So it's yes. We're like so random, like sleep over and now I would never sleep over unless I like. Was snowed in because I would, if I would panic, if I didn't have my skincare routine before bed, can you imagine just like being like, why have none of my stuff.
Mel: And you don't want to try using somebody else's really, even though I would make you do that at a hotel.
Gabby: I know. I mean, honestly it doesn't even bear thinking about, so.
Mel: But I do love, I do. I mean, I was the queen of a spontaneous sleep over, but it mostly had to happen at my house.
Surprise, surprise. Um, yeah. So, yeah, like I think it's just all that, like maybe it is all friendship connected. Isn't that whole, like the way your friend, your friendships used to be in your 12 days was such a carefree, spontaneous, you know, like get ready for a night out together. Like sharing clothes, all of that stuff.
Gabby: I do miss that. I know. I think actually you're right, because. What it comes down to is you just have way more availability and more flexibility in your schedule to just be like, yeah, there's no babysitters to organize. There's no like anyone to check in with no work to like call into. I mean like, no, like you've got your coffee shop job that you have.
Cause that's what you have. Unless you're, you are way more together in your twenties than I was.
Mel: Think about what I was doing in my twenties. No, I wasn't overly together, but I, yeah, just that whole like, Oh, we're done work. Let's go for a drink. You know, like that was, that was a big thing. When I left in London.
That's such a culture in London. Yeah. Is this kind of really social. You your finished work, you'll you meet up with people for a drink? And I remember, so that was like, when I first left in London and I was a student, it was like early twenties. And that was the, that was the thing after work or after university and straight to the pub or for dinner.
And then home, because home was like spread around this massive . So you just stay at as long as you could in the same spot to do stuff together. But like then when Dave and I moved back to London and our late twenties, early thirties, it was a whole other thing. It was like, and of the day at work and you're like, Oh, I've got to get the chew.
I can't wait to get home again. You know, like the thought of someone. Uh, after you've come home from work to your apartment, someone rang in and being like, do you guys found sequel? And I to X, Y, and Z? You're like, what? No, actually that sounds awful. No chance. I have already taken my bra off. There's no way it's going by.
Gabby: Can you imagine putting it back on after you've taken it off for the day? Torture, torture, nakedness. Yeah. So, wow. Okay. What else is on your list?
Mel: Mm, I wish I could drink caffeine past two o'clock in the afternoon.
Gabby: So, okay. A trick I will say.
Mel: Oh?
Gabby: So, well, I have a very, I've kind of built up my caffeine tolerance over COVID because there's nothing else to do except drink coffee super fast. It's like nothing to look forward to in the day. But, um, I do think that. I think that espresso has less caffeine than like a full, like a pot of coffee is way more charged than, or like a Chemex or whatever than an espresso.
It usually has. I want to say, and I'm sure we'll get notes about this, but I do think it is like 60% the caffeine. So if you're going to have a late in the day cup of coffee, make it like a cappuccino or a latte or something like that.
Mel: I feel like that makes no sense to me.
Gabby: I know
Mel: Surely, an espresso is like concentrate.
Gabby: I know. I think it's just the amount that it's able to extract from the bean versus when it's I trust your knowledge, this is just something Chris told me. So, and usually he's telling me with the view of getting me to join him. For a 3:00 PM coffee. So it could be faulty information.
Mel: Do you have a coffee cutoff time?
Gabby: It, uh, yeah, like it's probably, it's probably three. Yeah. Like three would be borderline. I recently did do a 4:00 PM and it goes, well, I'm not trying to get political here on the podcast mouth, but I had it the day. Oh, one of the days after my COVID vaccine and part of my symptoms from the first shot were just extreme tiredness.
So I was able to fall asleep. No problem that day. Um, if I didn't have that though, I probably would have been up for quite some time.
Mel: Yeah. I mean, like it's not even coffee, even like I, in the evening, if I'm thinking about having a drink and there's like a nice cold, like. Diet Coke in the fridge. I couldn't, I couldn't even go near it no way.
Gabby: Oh no. It would just love a 4:00 PM diet Cokes. Mel: Usually my knife, mine's like a lunchtime diet Coke.
Gabby: Oh my goodness. Me and Danny, is this really bad? We got, we've kind of eased off it a little bit, which is good because it makes me feel like a more responsible parent, but there was like a point during lockdown where.
We would literally every day at 3:00 PM, get in the car, he would get McDonald's French fries and an Apple juice, and I would get a diet Coke. And of course I would take a few of his fries and it, and I would listen. He would listen to his CD and then I would listen to my like true crime podcast in my headphones.
And then we would drive to the park together and it was our little ritual and it was great. Oh yes. That's right. It got to the point where he would like every time he would see the car, he'd be like French fries. No.
Mel: What do they call that? That's some sort of like a trigger response, you know, like, yeah, we know the dangling, the carrot.
Gabby: He's been conditioned. He's like car equals French fries.
Mel: To be fair. That is what my car equals because then my McDonald's wrappers that lie in the bottom of my car. Most of the time.
Gabby: I know it's surprising to me though. For Miss Neat Freak over here. Is your car, your Monica's closet?
Mel: No, it isn't.
Gabby: Do you have a Monica's closet?
Mel: Yeah.
Gabby: Where is it?
Mel: In the basement.
Gabby: I've seen your basement that it's not, it's not the same thing.
Mel: Oh, but it is. It is where all the things go to die and it needs cleared big time. But yeah, no, the car, our car is not, my car is not too it's not too bad. We, we just are lazy at like, you know, when you've got to get two kids out of the car and we've mostly parked on the road.
Um, outside our house. So you're really like aware that there's other cars and you just, maybe you've got to bring a bag of groceries in and you get to weigh one out. And I was just not a lot of time for like going, Oh, there's a half a box of French fries that need picked up as well. I get that another time, you know?
Yeah. Fair enough. Not, it's not a tip, but it's, it's not up to standard.
Gabby: Up to standard!
Mel: What else did you have, did you have anything else in your list? Like what else do you really miss doing in your twenties that you feel like has been conditioned - responsibilitied out of you?
Gabby: Oh my goodness. Uh, Okay. So the, the main thing I keep thinking, and this is more of like a lifestyle mindset think. And I I've been hesitant to share it because I don't want it to sound like I don't love being married because I do love being married a lot. Um, and I also don't want people to like get in touch and be like, well, I'm still single in my forties and I would love to be married and you should count your blessings.
I am counting my blessings, everyone. So just whatever that's my disclaimer, but I. In my twenties, I was just such like such an adventure. Like if there was an opportunity in a different city, I would literally just pack up my car and go, like, I can't tell you how many times I would just like move across country.
Like not think about anything else and just like go and have an adventure and see what happened. And I think while I am, I actually am becoming more of a home body as I get older and like, loving, like, my home and my family and all of that. I still sometimes like, get that itch to be like, I just want to like, Leave it all and pack up my car and like move to the desert in New Mexico and just see what happens.
I don't know. I, a little bit of wanderlust that I don't think I'll ever outgrow. Yeah. But you just got to do you just got to kind of experience more of your laundry wanderlust in your twenties. Cause you had, like you said, you had less responsibilities.
Mel: There's a shorter list of things that you had to weigh up. You know, pros and cons. Yeah. Hmm. Before you made those decisions, like it was such a, it was so much of an easier decision to do spontaneous things, but I just, I just feel like, you know, there's gotta be ways that we can continue to inject that feeling of like spontaneity and adventure into. You know our lives now because I feel the same.
I absolutely love my home. I love where I live. I love the people in my house and all of that, but I also really love getting away and I love seeing new things and I think that's, yeah, I think that's totally normal to, yeah. To create that, especially at the minute. Gabby: Hello. I know for real.
Mel: I just don't know if I'm the kind of person that could do 11 in your car or a camper van kind of thing.
Envy, like some, most of my friends are those kinds of people. I don't know how that's happened, but most of my friends are like, Oh, I love camping. Or let's go on a family adventure in a camper van. And I'm like, honestly, no one would live. And there would be bloodshed. Oh my goodness.
Gabby: Wait, do you have any other friends who are Enneagram ones like you are?
Mel: Um, not too many. Um, Ellie who I work with, who helps out with this podcast as well? Hi Ellie. Hi. Um, she's an enneagram one , but she's also really adventurous. Um, yeah, cause I think for enneagram ones, we, when we're in growth for any of you, enneagram nerds out there and maybe we'll do an episodeabout enneagrams sometime wouldn't that be cool? Gabby: We should.
Mel: Yeah. I mean, we're not experts, but we could even bring somebody on who also likes to talk about enneagram, but, um, yeah. For enneagram ones where, where we go to when we're in like growth or like healthy development is to seven. Which is the kind of Gabby: the fun one.
Mel: Yeah. Healthy, healthy seven is really into like being spontaneous and you know, like has such a thirst and zest for life. And I definitely feel like for, for me, what I am, when I am really healthy, I'm able to be spontaneous. And I love that. I love, you know, go in. Okay. Let's pack up today and go to the coast or, yeah. Yeah. Um, let's invite people or I love like, just like, uh, obviously pre.
Pandemic ban, like let's invite some people riding tonight and then we have like an amazing night. Those are, those are the best, those are the best things, but that spontaneity seems to be a little running thread. And maybe that should be the title of this podcast. Is we miss being spontaneous.
Gabby: Making an effort with spontaneity.
Hmm. Well, we aren't actually making an effort with it. We're just reminiscing about it.
Mel: We would love to make more of an effort with it. Some of the things we don't.
Gabby: Yes. Check!
Mel: Check.
Gabby: Yeah. Oh my goodness. The most spontaneous we are these days of like trying new takeout from a new Thai restaurant. Maybe that's not that's fair.
Okay. I'll say this though. Some of my risks are a lot Baker. True in more profound ways. So like, you know, I'm trying to think of a very specific, like, trying to decide, you know, on things like, I mean, even just like saving up money to do like a home Renault or, you know, just like bigger things like that.
They're not risks, but they are like these big decisions that you, I w I didn't even have the concept of owning a home. Um, and like when I was 21, let alone, like I dunno, creating these big life decisions around it or, you know, relationships. I don't know. So there, there, I think that's probably why I gravitate towards not being spontaneous and the little things, because in the big things, I feel like I am. Taking written like bigger risks all the time.
Mel: You using all that, like collective spontaneous energy that you haven't been able to use or isn't available and channeling it into a big thing.
Gabby: Yeah. Although somebody across the country is quite big and I did that a lot, so yeah.
Mel: I mean, you have half moved your life in Ireland.
Gabby: That's true. That's true.
Mel: You started a podcast with your friend, Mel.
Gabby: Mm, that's true story. All know what a big risk that was big risk that could have really gone either way. That's true. Uh, anyway, uh, I can't really think of anything else. I know. There's, I'll be thinking about things all day.
Mel: I know this is what's going to happen anyway.
We are really excited to hear what yours are like. So if you're in your thirties or even if you're likely at twenties or forties or fifties or sixties, um, and you have like, Pangs of missing things. I mean, we always love here and your feedback on the podcast and it doesn't even feel like feedback. It feels like you're just chime in when you send us a message or a DM or an email chairman in on our conversation.
Um, and so please keep that. Come on. We love hearing from you. So if there's stuff that you have been like, Um, thinking about throughout this episode, like, Oh, I really miss that from my twenties. Like tell us we want to hear and we'll share it. Yeah. All right. Until next time until next time guys. Thanks for being here.
Bye.
