Episode 18: Going on Holiday With Friends

>>> Click here to read the computer generated transcript (note that the transcript isn't perfect)

Gabby: Welcome to the making and effort podcast, the podcast where you get to drop in on a conversation with two friends, discussing all the things they make an effort with. And some of the things they don't this week, we are talking about going on holiday or vacation for all you Americans. With friends to do or not to do. And also just, yeah. Our experiences.

Mel: Yeah. That's yeah. I mean, I feel, I feel unnecessarily nervous to talk about this. Well, you don't need to like dish on your friends. You can just speak in vague terms. Well, here's the thing I don't really have. I don't really have anything to dish because I actually have really loved going on holidays with my friends.

Gabby: Okay, well then that's what you get to share. I'm not trying to make you have drama where there's no drama to do category the end and podcast over. Go on holiday,

Mel: call your friends, make a plan. Um, I will, I will say that it was a much easier and lighthearted process to do pre-children to go on holidays with friends.

Gabby: I would maybe go as far as to say they're only very specific people and places I would consider going to with like with kids,

Mel: Same,

Gabby: it's a short list as a short list. We've only done it, done it once and awesome. Uh, we went to Mexico with our band mates, Allie and Gareth and their kids. And it was. The reason it was great is because it was just a resort. So like there was no, like grab the car seat, get the kid in the car, go try and see this museum. Oh, where are we going to get lunch? Oh, no one kids falling apart. Is there a McDonald's there? But like, there was none of that. It was just like, We're hungry. Let's get some chips and salsa by the pool. You know, like it was just very relaxed and

Mel: that is not in fact, everything that you described as like the stressors. Is the holiday that I had we went and hold it, us with friends, but I actually really loved it.

Gabby: Okay. I love you, but please don't invite me on that holiday with you. We will break up afterwards. It's just important to know your limitations with your friends. And I will say, I will say no to that holiday. If I have to bring my kid, if I can just bring me in my husband on a holiday, I will say yes, but if Danny has to come. That's going to be a hard, no, from me. Okay.

Mel: So here's the thing. I okay. Because I have like a long list of criteria that will, I think I have this idea in my head that we can still have a really nice holiday with kids that meets the needs of the adults as well. And so my thinking when we were, when we were planning holidays with friends was. That if we went to a resort and we had hotel rooms, like this is when our kids were much younger a few years ago. So I think it was only like two. Um, that like, they need to go to bed at a decent time and then someone would have to stay in the room with them and you know, all that that made me go well, I don't really want to go to a resort and pay top dollar to have to stay in a hotel room with a child. Getting them to sleep and all of that. So we still, they still have to sleep no matter where you are. Like, or if you're in a, if you like, what we did was rent a Villa. Uh, right. So kids go to bed, adults get to sit up in the air conditioned living room or outside having drinks.

Gabby: Yeah. Okay.

Mel: Without worrying about, you know, yeah. Child snatchers.

Gabby: I mean, yes, truly. Um, you know, okay. That, that's good, but see, it's the, I feel like you start to underline a very, a much deeper question, which is What makes a holiday a holiday, you know what I mean? Like there's different categories. There's like the I need to just relax and not do anything stressful or there's the holiday like, I want to have an adventure or, you know, like there's different categories.

Mel: I want all of it in the one week. That's what I want.

Gabby: Okay that seems unrealistic.

Mel: It is, but tell you what, I've come really, really close. I'm really close to it. So

Gabby: if anyone could you could, that's what I believe.

Mel: I honestly, my eyes turned inside my head looking for a holiday a couple of years ago, trying to make my own criteria. So it was, it was like, I want to be able to fly from Belfast or Dublin. I want to, I don't want to have to rent a car. Because I was stressful. Um, I want it to have access to like a say or a beach or some sort of water that you can swim in, but also like there to be a pool. At the hotel slash apartments. And I'd also like to be able to explore some sort of steady vibe, right. For the days where you, you want to like see what the local market has to offer, or you want to see like a bit of history. And let me tell you, we can pretty close. So is that your Spain trip? No, the span trip was the trip. We went on with our friends, which isn't when we rented the fellow and it was like, Oh, it was, it was incredible. It was the most, but it was a hotter than the mouth of hell in Spain. Like S like that part of Europe had amassive heatwave. We have that wake up that we were there in terms of like, it was like over 40 degrees. It was well, um, That's why you were saying the air conditioned living room. Oh yeah, this is what the needs were. Okay. But anyway, that was gorgeous. And it was on this beautiful land that had like a Treehouse for the kids. There was a pool, there was like a sports court, like a football court. There was like a. Uh, organic garden where you could help yourself to all the, like the gardener would come and put the sprinklers on and like, say to the plants twice a week, and like bring us a bucket of fresh vegetables that were. Not just like he had picked from the garden and leave it at the back door for us to cook with is beautiful. Um, and that is my Rose tinted version of that holiday because our kids were very small and it was very hot, but this one unicorn holiday was actually the year after, when we went to Porto in Portugal. Um, we went with my dad. We rented this gorgeous apartment in this like apartment hotel. So everything was there and it had a small pool. And actually in cities like Lisbon and Porto in Portugal, it's harder to get. Um, I adore poles because they're not like resort locations. Yeah. Like the rest, like the Algarve and Portugal. Look at me talking about Portugal. I know I've never been, I'm just nodding along like, Oh yeah, yeah. Our gov, whatever. Eat the Algarve. Yeah. So that definitely hits. Um, major so many major points. Like we went in a boat trip and we went to a market and we took a, took a tram to the beach, and then we had the pool there for like during the day. And it was love. Les Porto is a cool city, just FYI, in case you want to go on a trip with me.

Gabby: Okay. So here's, this actually brings me to some of my criteria, not criteria, but things that I enjoy. So we probably are our most recent holiday that we ever did. No, actually it's not maybe the most recent, but most memorable. Was maybe a trip we did to Paris with my friends, Megan and Jared, Danny was not there. He stayed with my mother-in-law and it was just for three days. Uh, but one of the things I loved about that trip was, um, you know, we only had three days in Paris, which is like, not even enough time to buy a baguette basically, but they had been there before, so they had. A list of incredible restaurants that they just booked. Like they booked all the food for us and you know, that they they're the people that you like trust with. Like, it's like, I know whatever you're going to love, I'm going to love. So I actually am very excited and I don't, maybe this sounds like you're a nightmare because you love a bit of research, but for me it was great to be like, I trust you. I'm just going to rock up to whatever you have booked. This is going to be like, I have a concierge service and I'm just going to like, do this Paris thing. I'm going to see some sites. I'm going to do some shopping in between meals, and then I'm going to go home. And literally every single meal we had, including the meal we had when we landed was a rainy night, it was just a few blocks from our hotel. And it was this little, um, cafe. Neighborhood local cafe called Martin's I think. And it was just the coziest thing. There was like all these like 30 somethings, just like with their hats and smoking cigarettes. And like, we sat down and they just like, like the till was also like a big get cutting station STO. And they just kept like cutting these fresh baguettes and like bringing them out to your table and like springing wine and being like, Oh, yes, Zell Kayla it's a from the garden and here's some like, Oh, did you know that like the, the garlic is in season right now? So they, they bring up these like huge, like purple heads of garlic, just roasted and caramelized and olive oil. And basically our whole three days were just that kind of eating the whole time. And I, I was in heaven and I just like in between meals, I just saunter around and. With a coffee and pop into like li shops. And it was great, but all that to say it was really good to go with people who had the same vision, which was like, we just want to eat as much food as possible. Yep. In this window of time. Yep. And we've got it sorted. Oh, the dream. You know what I'm saying? I was like, if you, if you ha, if I had gone with someone who was like, actually all I want to do is like, see as many museums as possible, which is a totally valid thing to do in Paris. It's just not what I want to do in Paris. Or like, I just want to go shopping the whole time. Like we did some shopping, but like, you just have to, yes. You have to go with people who are on the same page.

Mel: Oh, you do. For sure. And this reminds me of, okay. And this is. This is absolutely the exception to most people's holiday and experience. But for two, two summers, we decided to do our summer holiday in Italy because one of my best friends was living there at the time. Um, so, uh, one time she was living in Rome and that, well, yeah, but one time she was living in Rome and then the next time she was living in Florence and the difference it makes whenever you go to stay with a friend, And they know all the good coffee shops, they know where the best gelato is. They know where you're going to get the pizza of your dreams like that is. Yeah. Or it saves you so much time as well, like researching and having to like navigate stuff. So there is, there is something really nice about people who've either been there before and can recommend and organize all of that for you. Or like going and getting enough, an authentic experience with someone who lives in that city or that place. Oh, there's nothing like it. There's nothing to do. You know, where I did? Most of my research for going on holiday to Porto was on Instagram. Hm. That's why I love Instagram and see even posts. I had a full Porto folder in my Instagram of basically just pictures of people's foods. Yeah. I was like, well, that burger looks good. So, and that, that not, it looks really good. So I'm definitely gonna check that out. Yeah. Yeah. And that's most, mostly what my research is based around is where are we going to eat? Because it's important to me. And it also very much troubleshoots all the drama that comes with eating and my family.

Gabby: So, so can I ask you a question? Like obviously you and I are similar in that, like the linchpin of a holiday, a good holiday is the food. Right.

Mel: And we would, we would do so well together on holiday.

Gabby: Yes. I think we went to, which is why when all this is over, we will be doing that. But in between times, okay. This is like a slightly, this is a sub topic of this topic, right? What do you like to do in between the meals? Because don't you ever always just feel like it's like, you're just treading water to get to the next meal. Oh yeah. See. Okay. Uh, my favorite thing to do if I'm like in a city is to do like the museum things like I, and I know that's not everyone's cup of tea, but like I love a good museum tour or. Like going to see some art or going to like, like I did tower tower of London is still one of my favorite tours I've ever done where you just have this guy, like, basically like scratching the gory itch of like. This is where so-and-so was beheaded. And then so-and-so like died in this prison cell and you're like, Oh my gosh, I need to go get another sandwich after this. Well, I was going to say the way that I like to fill my time between meals is snacks no, no, I rather than go to a museum that probably wouldn't be my first port of call. I would be like you have at it, but. I would lo I love to like go and get a really good coffee and sit on people watch or, yeah. Yeah. But don't you. Okay. Don't you kind of feel a little bit like you're missing some of, like, if you're just sitting there missing what, like the city, I don't know, the place,

Mel: like I'm walking into a coffee shop that I've happily researched. Right, right. Okay. And then I'm grabbing a coffee and I'm sitting outside on a bench. Okay. Yeah. People watching or listen to a podcast or reading a book or something like that. Like that's like when we go to London, that's what Dave and I do. Like, we just walk the streets, stop for coffee, sit down and have a paint read, listen to a podcast. Talk, people watch pop in and I'd have a little shop here or there. You know. Okay. Yeah. I know. I go in for big events. I'm not in a big event.

Gabby: Okay. Thanks. See. Yeah, for us, it's either like an event or like, if you're like, when we went to San Francisco, it was like hikes in between meals. So like we would, we would plan. Okay. Brunch, get your walking shoes on and go like to the Redwood forest or like go for a hike. Comeback. Get a lunch, maybe walk around town, go to dinner. Like

Mel: I could be persuaded to get involved in that kind of a holiday. Um, but I, but I would need a couple of days where in between meals, I'm sitting on my ass and doing nothing or catching up with yeah. A friend over a coffee that lives in that city or something like

Gabby: that. Okay. Um, okay. Back to the topic of. Holiday with friends. Yeah. It's never gone wrong for you.

Mel: I wouldn't say I wouldn't say it's gone wrong. I mean, our friends might say differently.

Gabby: Okay. If your mouse friend get in touch, right, right in with if we can stay anonymous.

Mel: I think the thing about holidays is that Dave, doesn't love to go on holiday. Oh, yeah, he's a real home bird. He just doesn't love the faff, like this year has been so easy for him in so many ways. Cause it's like, He hits the airport. The, you know, like he's an Enneagram six, so he's assessing risk. He can't relax. And it actually takes him, like, I would say two days when we get there to a climatize, to new surroundings, to feel safe, to feel like he knows where he's at. Whereas I completely thrive. I'm like, Ooh, I don't know where I am. I'm going to wake up, but I don't know what I'm going to see. Cause we arrived at nighttime and he's like, uh, I'm not okay with that. So. Um, for Dave, like the older, the kind of faff and annoyance of travel puts him off too. And that's because, especially with kids yeah. You know, and we have, and then, so there's two, two days when we arrived somewhere where he's just like settling in, he's anxious getting his bearings and then he's holiday DF. Right. Which is like, Holiday Dave is the best. Okay.

Gabby: What does he do?

Mel: He's just chill. Like he just nice. Once he's got his surroundings, he's just like mostly. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah. Let's buy that. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get another rind, you know, like he's, he's loosened up, you know, but then two days before we leave is like getting ready to go stuff ramps up again. So he's like, yeah. Double-checking our passports still here. Do we S you know, like we should, what time should we believe? And to get to the airport, we don't want to miss the dah dah, dah, you know, like he's, he's tagging. So you got to give for tagging on two days, either side of your trip that he's going to not enjoy himself, you know? Um, so that's why we bought a caravan because that is. Home from home. We still get to feel like we're going away. And then it means that I can just go on trips with my friends. Yeah. And have fun that way. And he doesn't have to come. Yeah. We can just do your own thing and not be stressed about the passports.

Gabby: Yeah. Fair enough. I'm wondering if I, Chris or I have like an alter ego on holiday that comes out. Chris probably would say I do. I do get, I get a lot of FOMO. That is my biggest issue on holiday.

Mel: You want to do all the things?

Gabby: Yes. Like I am constantly afraid that I'm not having the best experience that I could possibly be having to the point where it kind of ruins the experience that I am having. That's usually quite good.

Mel: Do you have an example?

Gabby: Yeah. So, um, when we were in Paris, again, we were. We Chris really wanted to go to the Champs Elysees. Did I say that right? Sure, sure. It's like a big, it's a big Boulevard. That's been converted into like a shopping center and Chris loves to shop on vacation, but he loves to shop. Yeah. I love this about Chris holiday, Chris. Oh, it's more than just holiday Chris, but especially on holiday. It's like, and it's not like. You know, let's go to it. I mean, sometimes it's like, you know, the random. Boutique here and there, or like vintage market. It's like, he wants to go to Zara or he wants love this. He wants to go to like, like if there's a big Nike store, I mean, well, that's the thing. Okay. This is why I got in a fight with him because we, he wanted to do this. And I was like, great, that's fine. Like, you're, we've got nothing to do. And it's still beautiful. Like you can walk around and see all the sites pop into a few shops, whatever, but. He wanted to buy this watch while we were there. And he's Mr. Like research everything to death. And so he spent like three hours in this watch shop talking and weighing up his options and like searching online. And I'm like, I get, this is your, like, we treat, you're getting yourself a watch on this holiday and you're allowed to do it, but like, I don't want to be here for three hours. Yeah, no, I, I, I need to, like, I was thinking we're going to do an hour and a half here, keep walking, like whatever. And, um, so that was like, I almost started crying, not because I was having such a terrible time. Like it was beautiful. It was a gorgeous day. I had like a box of macaroni, macaroni, like it was great, but I was just. So stressed that I was missing or somewhere that I am most seeing exactly. Like I'm so stressed right now. Um, yeah. So I get that. I get that probably the crests in this situation to be fair. It's okay. Every there's gotta be a Chris

Mel: in every situation, right? Yeah. And so I, yeah, my. I'm more I'm I wouldn't be like, uh, I wouldn't be like a go to Zara kind of person. Right. But. I love a fricking market. So hard on holiday. And I mean, like, I've heard about this. I just stay. I'm just like, what am I going to get here that no one else is going to have? And this is so cool. Um, and this is authentic and it's been made in Porto or like, uh, or whatever. Um, and so I will torture people to get. My time at a market, but the best is if you just stumble across a market, right?

Gabby: Yes. You feel like it just happened organically. And you're like, Oh, I live here. Yeah. Although if you live there, you would know where it was. That's true. Purpose. I purposefully went here. I brought my bags. I know the owner. So.

Mel: Yeah, I, yeah, I like that. But like we, any, I guess, any friends that we've gone on holiday with have been very easy going. Yeah, same, you know, so yeah, we're probably the more uptight or not uptight, but just like specific. Oh my goodness.

Gabby: Like, I can't talk about going on vacation with friends without mentioning our ultimate, uh, holiday couple. The friends that we have Bobby and MC yeah.

Mel: You just had away with them recently. Didn't he?

Gabby: We did, we went to Marfa together and we got an Airbnb and basically just ate burritos and walked around and had coffee and laughed a lot. It was so good. It was so good. I don't love a couple's holiday. Yeah. That's actually, if I have my preference it's to never bring Danny, we haven't, we've only done one holiday with Danny, with friends. And that was the one that I mentioned at the beginning with the Gilkes and that was a lot of fun. I loved it. I personally loved it. But, um, usually like if I'm going on vacation, to me, vacation means not being like, at least not at this time stage that he's at right now. I love you,

Mel: Danny. I'm not Matt. You're loved. You're you're loved by your family. Yes, but also you're not coming on holidays. He's like no pictures of me in foreign country.

Gabby: Like, listen, When you can eat more than just a chicken nugget you can come with.

Mel: Oh, criteria. Funny story. Funny story. So when we were in Porto, um, with my dad, like, so my dad came with us and it was, so I have to say it was so, so good to have another grownup there. So that was another ideal situation where you go as a family and you bring another grownup. So not only with my dad. Like set in, in the avian when the kids went to bed. So Dave and I could go to a beer garden or whatever, but just like, Oh, would you grab that floaty so that we, you know, like, could you grab that bucket and spit or someone else to just handle things that is also ideal, but we, we were in Porto, so we're there for a week or 10 days or something. And then. By like day four or five, we had done the same walk to the median area, I guess, where you can go off and explore a few times and passed the same stuff all the time. And unlike day four, we decided to like, there's this one, like, look like an entrance to a big shop. And we're like, well, let's go and see what's in here. And we walked in and it was. Like right, right beside, I mean, right beside her apartment, it was a shopping center and it had the golden arches. I don't think I've ever seen. My children, so excited to see a McDonald's in their whole life. Um, and so, but it just made, it made everything easier because I was like, well, Frank, I'm going to have to go and find some sort of often chips to put on here. Right?

Gabby: Like McDonald's is like, no, you don't. No, you don't.

Mel: You just come through the store and you'll see the golden arches and all will be well. Um, and so that's what we did. And it was literally like, we couldn't believe it. Can you believe this is here and how to fill it full? Like it's been right under our noses the whole time. Um, hi, have we struggled for four days inside of McDonald's on holiday in Portugal, but yeah, that was fun. Um, so yes, I have surrendered to the idea that if you're going to go on holidays with your kids, You're going to have to make some compromises,

Gabby: you know, you're going to memories. You do,

Mel: he do heads. Yeah. As long as you're willing to numb out the horrendous things that happen as well. Like we lot, like when we went to Spain that time with our friends, we had just arrived. So there's like two families of four. And the guys were going to the car hire place. And me and my friend, where we at and with the luggage and four kids had been on a plane for a couple hours. So they really needed to run around in arrivals like to burn some energy. And it was only two and we lost, Oh yeah, it was. Awful. And I mean, like we lost her for probably 35. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

Gabby: Are they going to say 35 minutes?

Mel: No, no, no. I was going to start to hyperventilate, so we, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we were holding me and my friend Kat, we were like in charge of the luggage on the kids. And of course, like you're suitcases are tumbling off the side of the trolley and we're kind of telling the kids don't be running a bite to be running the bites people, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I took my eye off. Her for one second, one second is all it took and she was gone and I was like, atta, where's he at? Uh, and of course, Dave could hear this from the queue and the car hire, losing his mind, losing his mind. So we're all, I'm like running, I'm like little girl, little girl shorts, and like trying to describe her to these, like people here, we seeing our concern and she was hiding under one of the States. And the way it Marissa hiding. Yeah. She just went and like took herself off under one of the States. And honestly, my heart was in my boots. I was so, so scared. It was awful. It took me like a full day to recover. I was just like, Oh, it's, it's your worst nightmare. Anyway. On that note

Gabby: on that note, take your kids on holidays. Super fun. Super

Mel: fun. Yeah, but that, I think we, I think we could do this. I think we could be good holiday friends.

Gabby: Well, I'm definitely coming up to see or carrot, caravan suggestion. No problem. At the very least. So at the

Mel: very least I feels non-committal. I feel like I might've said something. That's put you off. No to actually go on holidays with me. Are you worried that I'll I'll over-planned

Gabby: no, I see what I'm saying. I like when my friends, like, as long as I can still like get a museum in there and get up early, I don't care what else happens.

Mel: So you didn't get up as early as you want and see as many museums as you want. As long as we can just hang out and eat really good food

Gabby: together, Dale. Deal let's make it happen. All right.

Mel: Well, listen, thanks for listening folks. If you have any stories about going on holidays with friends or kids or couples or whatever, let's hear it. You can DM us. You can get in touch via our email or check it out on our website, making an effort podcast.com and we will see you next time. Bye bye.