Episode 49: Weddings!

We recently realised that even though we've been friends for ages, we hadn't ever really talked about our weddings with each other! It's hard to imagine we didn't know each other when we got married,  so we thought we'd tell each other all about them on the podcast. We're sharing all the details of our weddings in this episode; the regrets, the drama and the joy!

Gabby shares about her dad was her wedding planner. She shares about how complex planning a wedding with cross-cultural families.

We talk about the pros and cons of having a wedding in general and reasons we’d want to do something smaller and/or elope.

We also discuss how wedding trends and norms change so fast and how you negotiate that when you’ve already had your wedding.

Mel shares about having to coordinate her wedding alongside her brother’s who got married a few weeks before she did, with her family flying out for both.

She shares about what it was like to also experience a family tragedy on the same day as her wedding.

We discuss the joys of having a wedding in general— having a party with all your best people. We LOVE weddings. Feel free to send us an invite to yours. Or if you just want to get in touch in general feel free to drop us a line at hello@makinganeffortpodcast.com

Until next week!

>>> Click here to read the computer generated transcript (note that the transcript isn't perfect)

Gabby: Welcome to the making and effort podcast, the podcast where you get to sit in on a conversation with two friends, discussing all the things they make an effort with and some of the things they don't. And today we are talking about our weddings. We kind of had the realization. That even though we've been friends for a few years yeah. We don't know what each other's weddings are like. And, um, our were like, and we wanted to talk about it here on the podcast because who doesn't love a good, what I loved and what I regretted and what could have been better and what the drama was at a wedding story. Oh, yes, Mel: I, yeah, so I just. Thought to myself. Like I don't, I don't even know if I've seen more than one picture of your wedding. Like, I wouldn't even know what your dress was like. And here you are, like one of my closest trends on that is weird. And it's weird to me that, you know, we're as close as we are. And yet. That, that big, massive life moment. And I know that when we did our friendship, a episode colon, there's a lot of messages from people who were like, I find it so weird that so many of my closest friends and I didn't even know me whenever we were, whenever I was getting married or, you know, Gabby: people who Mel: were in my wedding, I wouldn't have had, you know, like I wouldn't have had that. Again, or I Gabby: would, it, all that kind of stuff. It's so Mel: weird, isn't it? Um, cause this massive big day, this massive like moment in your, and your story and I don't know anything about it. I don't know where you got married. Like literally. I said to you last night. Um, and we haven't talked about, like, even though we've had this episode lined up, we have restrained ourselves by not talking about it until we hit record, because I want all of my responses and reactions to be fresh. Gabby: So I'm like, The real time, the real deal guys. Yeah. Mel: Um, so you got engaged and then how long was it from your engagement to your wedding? Okay. You want me to Gabby: go first? Yeah, let's just do that. Yeah. So we got engaged, um, at the coffee shop where we. Chris rented it out. Um, and uh, he Mel: rented the whole coffee shop. He Gabby: probably didn't rent it. He asked the guy, is he Richard Gere? No, no. I think it was after closing hours. And he was like, Hey, can I come in after closing hours froze to my girlfriend? Um, I did not. I had no idea what was going to happen. Um, I was under the impression we had talked about marriage. We knew it was in the future. We didn't even really know each other that well. So he was like, here, I'm not going to surprise you with a ring that I don't know if you're going to like, because we don't actually know each other that well, Mel: but I know enough to know Gabby: exactly. Uh, so he was like, why don't you pick something else? I picked something out. This is not going to be engagement story, but just really briefly, um, it, this does all play into the wedding as well, to be honest, I pick something out and they said, yeah, it's not me ready for a few months. So I might have them thinking like, well, at the soonest, it's going to be like maybe a month from now. Um, and just a few short weeks later, uh, he was proposing with the ring and, um, That was super exciting. So I had no idea it was, it was coming. He kind of set it up as like a belated Valentine's day, fancy date night. Um, but yeah, but yeah, we really didn't know each other and we talk about that all the time and it really is highlighted in our engagement story and our wedding story. Okay. So briefly after like shortly after we got engaged, I kind of what Chris was touring the states. Um, Again, this plays into our wedding story. Uh, he was touring the states, like maybe. Just shy of 300 days a year, like it was a low. Um, and so I did move down to Atlanta where his, he was, you can't see me, but I'm doing air quotes. Like he was based out of. Um, but that kind of meant he like visited there, like once a month, more than he visited anywhere else. Um, and we knew you were going to have an apartment there and all that stuff. Um, but that also meant that I was planning a wedding. That was going to take place in Minnesota where all of my family and friends were while being in Atlanta, working three jobs by myself, in a city where I knew no one. And so I think I always kind of thought I was going to be the kind of person who would want to like, control everything about my wedding. And I think I kind of still am, but I didn't have that luxury because I was just like, I can't go to the food taste testing. Things. I can't like, I think I, I flew up to Minnesota one time to try on wedding dresses and to pick a venue with my mom. And that was pretty much all I picked. I'm not even kidding. Like your mom. Uh, my dad was my wedding planner, like in a big way. He is. Um, so like we w we would agree on broad topics like, and Chris was. If you think I was out of the picture, Chris was even more out of the picture. He's like, where do I show up on my own? Yeah. Basically like we both kind of were like, where do we show up? So like, we knew we wanted some music and I was like, well, you know, I DJ I guess, and my dad was like, no, we're going to be having a band. And I was like, okay, that sounds nice. And then like, you know, He would say, like, my mom would send me, okay. We like went to the chase testing. Um, these are the six options. Which ones do you like? And I like picked a few or, um, like I'm trying to think of another like flowers. I would like sent a few examples of things I liked. And my mom like met with the florist and it turned out beautiful. I was actually, it was really lovely. What kind of flowers? Uh, oh gosh, there, we got married in December, December 1st in Minnesota. So it was a winter wedding. There was snow on the ground. Um, so everything was like, there was a few dried flowers in there. I remember that, like, there were a few, there are pink and Sage and white flowers, um, uh, very wintery and we got the building we picked to get married in. Um, was an old, it's the St. Paul clubhouse or St. Paul, I think that's what it's called. And it's this beautiful old mansion in St. Paul, then the twin cities. Um, and I loved it. It was just had like, you know, those like, um, like cross hatch windows that are like, That are like, um, iron could gate it and like each individual glass inside the iron gates, like they're like individual pieces of glass. I was like very old school, um, hardwood floors everywhere. And it was just a tiny little room. Um, and then the other part of it is like my w so I was the first person in my family on all sides of my family to get married. I'm also the oldest cousin on all sides of my family. Like, so this was like a big deal for my family. And not that the other ones weren't, but like, it was just kind of like, you know, first one, the first one. So, um, my family. And like strength because they would, um, but like, because Chris, most of Chris's friends and family were in Ireland. He had a very small group of people who were there. So he had his best friend, Nathan, the band were there. Um, uh, um, I think is one of his like mentors and. I want to say that might be it for like, and then like his band manager that was like all and all the people he knew. So his family, immediate family, best friend was the best man. And the band. Those are the only people who knew him at his own wedding. And there were like 170 people there. I mean, his family that his mom and dad and his sister and her family. But that's it. Wow. I hope I'm not forgetting anyone in, like, I'm going to have to like, you know, reconcile this with my in-laws. Um, but I'm pretty sure that's all who came. So it was kind of an, and like none of my family hadn't met Chris and, uh, or his, yeah. So my extended family hadn't met Chris till the week of the wedding. Our parents met for the first time, the week of the wedding. Wow. I know, I know. It's like Chris, when I look back on this and we're like, it is amazing that we are happily married right now. The odds were Mel: in our favor, I guess. I guess it goes to show that, well, lots of those things don't have to be in place. Gabby: No, right. For it to be. Yeah, I think, I mean, not to sound totally cliche, but sometimes you just know when you know, and I know you and Dave have a similar, like God got engaged really fast, married really fast. So I know you get that. Um, but yeah, so I had my two sisters and. One of my best friends. Nicole is my, um, bridesmaids. And that was again, kind of a point of contention because I was in quite a few of my friend's weddings. By the time I got married as a bridesmaid and I was horsing hoping to, uh, to return the favor, but Chris only have three friends. Two of them were bandmates who were able to show up and. So we didn't want it to be like, I have six spreads maids and he has three or, um, so I kind of just had to like pick my friend who, like I was her maid of honor. And so then she was my maid of honor. And then I, my two sisters, um, And then I had, um, a few, the way we ended up doing is I had honorary bridesmaids that were like listed in the program and still were in all the pictures. And we're the same colors as us, but they just didn't stand up because they still wanted to honor that friendship and like the role they played, but they also got it. Cause they're amazing women. And. Um, we're like, yeah, we don't want Chris to feel like he gets up at his wedding day and he doesn't have any friends. You felt like an army, like he's already feeling overwhelmed Mel: when you seen that movie 27 dresses. You know, where Gabby: I was very close. I was on that trajectory by the time I met Chris, like I had been so many weddings by that point. Um, so funny. Yeah. Um, okay. So. Our photographer decided to go on a road trip two weeks before our wedding, um, she Mel: got out was COVID Gabby: that's right. They probably, it was a heat and he probably would have used that excuse now. Um, so my other friend who, uh, Who had just started a photography business was like, here, let me do it for you, your photographer, Mel: the one that you had booked actually didn't end up. Gabby: Then they didn't come. They were like, Hey, um, do you like Anita's there? Or. And it was one of those things where I wanted to be like, yeah, I need you there. But I also was like, I don't want to be dealing with this photographer who doesn't want to be there. So I called my friend who had just started her own photography business. And I was like, Hey, like what's protocol here. Like, what do I say? And she was like, first of all, Super shitty. I can have all fire him and hire me. I've got this like origin and make it happen. So that's what I did. I'm really grateful. Mason and her then boyfriend now husband did a great job. Um, and then I'm trying to think, um, we have. We didn't have cake at our wedding. We had Mo a malt station. So people lined up a malt like milkshake, malt. I Mel: don't know what this Gabby: is. You don't know what a malt is like where you have like a, like, it's like an ice cream milkshake, but you add milk powder to it. No, and it kind of has this like, oh, Yeah. Okay. So in the states, if you go to like diners, like diner food, you get burgers and whatever, and then you can get malts, which are like, Uh, they're basically ice cream shakes and you add a little bit of malt powder to it, and it's so good. Like it's like you can get an ice cream shake or just a molt. And I'm sure it like adds like a, like a depth of flavor to the ice cream. And it's like very rich and delicious. So we had vanilla and chocolate malts, but for our guests for dessert. Um, and that was great. Um, Our first dance was to say that sleeping or sleeping at last song. Um, Mel: my very emo for . Gabby: Yes, very predictable. Well, Chris was like, I don't dance. So, you know, I'm about a song that it's okay. That I can just rock back and forth to with you. I'm like, that's all people expect of us. You don't need to feel as concerned for real. Yeah. So our wedding started at 4:00 PM. Ooh, we were done by like 11. It was great. Mel: That's like later in the day thing, I kind of wish I had done that when it's a bloody long day. I smell. Gabby: Yeah. That was actually a cultural, like, I didn't realize until I kind of, well, I married Chris and started going to more UK weddings that like, you guys start, you have the service in the morning or like late morning, right?

11. And then there's like a break and then you go to the reception and a few hours later, right? Yeah. Um, yeah, no, we just do it all in one go in the states, which I feel like in some ways it's kind of more festive to like book out a whole day for a wedding instead of just like, I'm going to pop in for, you know, five hours I'll be home. Yes. Cause I, as kind of what it can be sometimes in the states. Mel: Yes. For sure. Yes. Gabby: Yeah. So it was interesting. Cause like I think the thing. So here I'm going to go. This kind of goes into like what I would change and re not, yeah. Regrets. I would take our budget. And instead of having a big wedding, because our families didn't know each other, we didn't know our families. Like that was a huge part of our. Experience of our wedding was like, we kind of felt the burden of making sure everyone was having a good time and connecting well and didn't feel alone and isolated pressure. And so a lot of pressure. And so I think instead of having a huge blow out wedding, I would just take whatever budget we had and. Fly my immediate family out to Ireland and just like get married with our immediate families only up on the north coast somewhere, and then go to like the remora and get Burke softer. And that would be our wedding. Cause I think like I, one, I didn't really plan away. No, I don't have that experience. Um, which I was grateful. I was really grateful to my parents for just kind of being like, you know, what, we've got this and making it happen and pulling off a beautiful wedding that it was just gorgeous. Um, but you know, I wasn't really involved like both Chris and I kind of rocked up like three days before the wedding got married, left on her honeymoon, you know, like we didn't do anything. Um, And so I'm kind of like, oh, I wish we had just like, spent our budget on family, like our immediate families connecting and having time together and like getting to know each other and getting to know our dynamics together and not having all these extra people who yeah. They're like important in my parents' life and, you know, Our cousins. And obviously like all these people who are super important, but who aren't going to be in my in-laws day-to-day life versus like the way my family is a little bit more. Um, yeah. That's but I mean, again, I didn't have the option cause I was very much the first person in my family to get married. I didn't want to let everyone down. Mel: So yeah, that's a lot of responsibility and also, you know, yeah, jeepers. Yeah. That's a lot of responsibility and a lot of like, Whose wedding is it, but also please take responsibility for my Gabby: wedding. Yeah, yeah, no, exactly. I mean, again, like I was super grateful because I just did not have the capacity, um, whatsoever. And I, I was happy to abdicate all of that responsibility. Um, where did you think it would've gone so much worse if I had done it. Where did Mel: you guys go after your way? Gabby: We, so Chris was applying for his green card, um, which meant that we couldn't leave the state. So we originally were going to go to Mexico for a honeymoon, and then we were like, had to cancel that place. Which was really disappointing, but still wanted to go somewhere warm. So we ended up going to Florida keys and like getting like there's no resorts in Florida keys or any of the like honeymooner stuff. Um, but we ended up just getting a nice little hotel and we were like, you know what? We have this like, cause I mean, and everything's about budget when you're like 20 in your twenties and like, you know, Planning these big things. So we were like, we're going to take our budget that we would have spent on this all-inclusive resort. And, uh, we're going to just eat like Kings eat and drink like Kings the whole week. So like, I mean, we ate so much lobster drink so much wine. Like it was like, yeah, I, we spent so much money on food and it was delicious. It was so good. We got little like, um, mopeds and just like, kind of. Scooted around the whole island and just checked out different beaches. And I think it was, I mean, we actually ended up really loving it and loving our experience of, of just, I think with the resort life sometimes can get a little bit samey, you know, you just, you wake up in the same place, the same pools and it is super relaxed. But ours, like there's just more stuff to do cause you're like in an actual town. Um, so that was really fun. That was really fun. I mean, still got the warm weather vibes, the tropical waters and Mel: oh, nice. Remember those days where you could just like go away just the two of you and it was like, you weren't like there wasn't a tiny percentage of your mind that was really thinking about anybody else. Gabby: No, I was, we were just thinking about ourselves. It was amazing. Mel: I barely remember. And so how many years is it then? Like in December? How many years was it for you guys? It will be Gabby: nine in December. Mel: This coming December. It'll be nine. Gabby: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's kind of our wedding story. It, um, again, I can't believe how little we knew each other when we got me. Yeah. Mel: So what, like from starting to go out to wedding, how long was it like from starting to date to wedding day? Um, Gabby: just shy of two years. So we dated for a full year before we got engaged and then it was from February to December to December. So like. 10 months engagement. Yeah, 10 or nine months. So it was two years in total. We mean, we were talking like every day. I mean, obviously that timeline is not that short, I guess, but I think it just, in terms of like art, we have so much life that we had to blend together. Yeah. Like we had no overlapping bits of our lives. We had, none of our routines were the same. We weren't in the same town. We don't have any of the same friends. Um, You know, I think that's the part that felt super overwhelming about our wedding in particular is like, how do you. Fit all these puzzle pieces together. Um, and I think we actually did a pretty good job of it. Everyone who went are weddings. So they had a great time and including our family, they loved it. Chris's parents stayed on after the wedding while we were on our honeymoons and hung out with my parents for a few days. So they got some good bonding time. Um, Yeah, it was, and they always talk about how special that time was for them. So yeah, it all turned out really pretty wonderful, but I definitely. Didn't pick like most things or my wedding. I think I made my invitations myself and that was like the height of my involvement and that almost broke me. Oh, we did. We Mel: did that too. Highly, highly not recommended. Yes, don't Gabby: do it. Mel: Hey everyone. We wanted to take a quick break in this episode and let you know that we have a Patreon page NAI. Uh, you know, we love, love, love doing this podcast each week and connected with you on our Patreon page as a way for you to get to hang out with us. Um, and for us all, to be together even more and help us cover the cost of running the podcast. So we can. Keep art sponsored ads to a minimum it's just $5 or four points a month to access it. And we have some really exciting plans for spending more time with you guys there this year. So when you become a patron, you'll get access to our monthly, making an effort magazine where we're going to be sharing all of our best recommendations for food and books and TV and music and what we're wearing and all that good stuff at. Uh, Pietro and only extra video podcasts from us each month and an invitation to join us for annual making an effort, virtual cocktail party, where we get to hang out together. Um, maybe each other more. So if you want to join the and effort gang, you can find a link to our patron. And the show notes, or you can go to www.patrion.com forward slash making an effort podcast. Can't wait to see you insight. Can I think about like, you know, cause I have a whole, I have a whole bunch of friends, Gabby: like probably a Mel: majority of my close friends are in the wedding industry. So photographers or like. I don't know, just, just mostly photographers actually. Um, and just when I like to get a glimpse into, cause obviously if, when photographers and the things that they like, I follow there because I'm a good friend, they're like business accounts and all the rest of it. And just seeing these. Weddings now. And like how different weddings have become, since I, since I was married, like almost 15 years ago, it's just mind blowing, like, oh yeah. Our, our wedding just seems like such Gabby: trash. I know. Well, I like to look even a few years later, like my sisters got married a few years later and it was just such a different. Culture around weddings and styles and tastes and, um, Mel: like norms, like norms and things. Yeah. Um, yeah, I, uh, so weird because we had, so our kind of. Story started with we, we got, we got engaged. I, it was kinda similar to you. So we do you have, and I known each other from where kids, uh, but then long, long, and very bizarre story short got together. And like the December 20, December 20. 2006. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. And then so does that, and I was living in London. He was back in Northern Ireland then by, um, beginning of March 20th, 2007, I decided I was gonna move back to Northern Ireland. Um, and so I did that. We got engaged like two weeks after I moved back. Um, I had sent him a couple of rings, like antique, like vintage rings that I'd seen and let him choose. Um, and so I knew it was kind of common, but I didn't know when, and it was a very casual, like we went, we actually went similarly to you guys. We went back. It's our first date, like a pub that we went to on our, one of our first dates. And he, Gabby: Dave Mel: brought in like this like brief kiss. It's like computer bike. And I was like, what is this? Like, why have you got a computer bag with you? You know, like a big laptop bag. I was like, why have you brought this into the post? And he was being really sketch. I think it might've been like it was symbolic stay or something like that. Gabby: He was being like, are you about your Rob this place? What was Mel: happening? And then we get into the pub and it's like, um, a biker's club has to sound it. And so it's just like bikers everywhere, like big leather Waren, bold, amazing bikers. Um, So we just stay for one drink. And then we left with the laptop bag, went back to my place. I go into my jail maze and we were just like in my room hanging out and he got the laptop bag and produced this beautiful photo album of like a scrapbook of like pictures of. Like it was a short scrapbook because we had only been together for three months. So it was like, here's this one receipt from a restaurant. We went to, um, like a hotel we stayed at or like, uh, well, I can't remember what Gabby: it was. Sweeter because it's like he had to know. So early on in that relationship that he propose he was going to keep all that stuff. I know, you know what I mean? Mel: And then the last, the last page was a Polaroid picture of the ring, and then he produced the ring. And I was like literally in my jammies sitting on my bed. So it was really, really nice. And then my brother had got engaged during the same time. Um, and so we, we had to like configure, obviously my parents still lived in Canada. My brother was living in wheels. We had to configure two weddings. Cause we all knew we wanted to get married like that year two weddings that would happen relatively close together. So. There wouldn't need to be two big trips of like family from com like friends from Canada coming over. So my brother got married and then two weeks later we got married. Wow. Yeah, so he got married and then they went on their honeymoon and then two weeks, two weeks later, we got married Gabby: because he had to wait for them to come back from their honeymoons. They could be there, Mel: but it couldn't be long, too long because that wouldn't have wouldn't have been really fair for all the Canadian contingent that came over. Cause there was like 20 people from Canada, Kim. Um, so yeah, and we, we got married at. Uh, at the church that we were going to at the time by our friend, he married us. And, um, we had, uh, just like, um, my friend, Matt, Michelle's, our friend, Michelle, who was on the psychotherapist, Michelle, that was on one of our previous episodes. Her husband, Matthew played the guitar and we had a cellist and a violinist. Our cellist, uh, Gweneth actually listens to the podcast. So hi, if you're listening and the three of them played a Bruce Springsteen song as I came down the aisle, um, I mean the whole process. Like I, so I planned my wedding with my mum at all. Like she just had no involvement. Like I was taking pictures of me in different dresses to send to her, or like there was no FaceTime or anything then either. So yeah. Um, but Dave's mom came with me to a bunch of stuff and we're really close. So she and his sister, we did a bunch of stuff together. And again, like my bridesmaid similar probably to you, like Michelle was a bridesmaids, she lifted up. My friend, crystal and Canada, and then my cousin Lisa, who lived up the road. So she kind of was involved as well, but Gabby: it was just like, Mel: yeah, I was doing it all. But without the kind of traditional, like movie scene wedding thing going on, you know, like the, all the girls go to plot to get, pick the dresses, it was like me and my mother-in-law, you know, trips and three, all these shops, um, And like it was her, we, we got the S the same, like old lady who did my mother-in-law's wedding floors and Kik did my wedding star Suntek. Yes. And I mean, I. I feel like those are the least thought three decisions that I ever made in my whole life. I was just like, yeah. Why? Yeah. Put some gold on. Yep. Co I know, I it's like the industry for floors on kicks is like, yeah. On believable. Like it's crazy. It's awesome. Like there's some serious talent out there. I have loads of friends here, like stylists and florists and stuff. And the stuff that they do is on real noisy. It's so beautiful. Um, but like are like my wedding floors, like there was two like big urn type displays at the top of the church and they were, it just looked like a funeral. Like it looked like funeral flowers. There was nothing like wedding here, but it was just a spray of flowers. And my, my bouquet and the girls bouquets were like vintage roses, like, you know, like green and pink and like, kind of on take cruises. And what else? Oh yeah, my other little cousin, Beth, she was like a junior bridesmaid and I'm trying to think of other data. So then, yeah, so we also. Didn't we didn't, uh, invest in like transportation. Cause we felt like that was expensive on necessary at the time for us. So Dave's Fran, who was a funeral director. So sorry, Kim, and like picked me and my dad up. And like, it was a beautiful, like red Jaguar, like beautiful car, but it for sure as a funeral car, so yeah. Oh my God. So I went to the church in a funeral car and then we wanted, like, we just didn't like the idea of like going from the church to the venue. Um, by ourselves, like we wanted to like start part in with our wedding party. So we actually rented a taxi bus. Oh my God. To pick us up at the church. Actually it picked us up at the park beside the church. Cause we went over there to get pictures and uh, picked us up and we got into the taxi bus, all of us. So like three, four bright four bridesmaids for. Like Grimm's man mandative and we got down the road and I was like, we don't have any Perseco let's go get some Prosecco. So we, we stopped at Tesco and we all walked into Tesco, may in my wedding dress, like just walking through Tesco, getting plastic cups and Prosecco. And then we drove, it was like an RS drive to our venue. And, um, The taxi driver had like the most Bichon playlist on it was like, it was like Bon Jovi and like, um, real like nineties rock. It was really fun. That Gabby: sounds so fun. I love a party bus genuinely. So fun. Mel: Um, so then we just arrived up and had like a really traditional set, dine male. And, um, there was a party like after the, the mail, everybody kind of mangled. And then they turned the room into like a dance floor. Um, there was a DJ, but we also had the DJ do like partied games with like everybody. Yeah. So like, I think there might've been a bit of musical chairs there. Might've been like, I can't even remember. Um, that's so fun. It was fun. And then at the end of the night, like everybody got like, he got everybody to go around, like the edge of the room, like hold, hold and hands. And then do you have an, a. We started off at, at the, at one end and like kind of crossed each other and like had to go and say goodnight to everybody. Oh. And the, and the circle. And it was strange because wait for this, I was like going around, hugging everybody, like family members and my cousins and aunts and all this kind of stuff. And everybody was just really tender and like, um, so lovely. And then everyone started clear night and then my dad came over to me and told me that my grandmother had died. Gabby: Oh man. Mel: Well, so obviously she wasn't, she didn't die at the wedding, but she was in hospital because she was unwell. And my aunt had stayed to like, be with her or whatever. Should we didn't re like know that she was. Unwell to that point. But, but the rest of the family had gotten the call between the meal and the like the party. And like we're all brought into like a side room and told and kept it from me. Like nobody told me they had that. They decided they weren't going to tell me till the end of the night so that I could fully like immerse myself in the day. But like, my dad lost his mom that day. Like he, I think it was. Like 10 minutes after he finds out he had to come and do like the father, daughter dance with me. And, oh my gosh. Gabby: Yeah. Mel: Oh, I know. So it was really, and I was like, okay. So that's why everybody was like super emotional hugging me. But at the end of the night, and I had no idea, I was just like, oh, my word. It was, so it was really. Really sad, um, like for the whole family. And it was really a really bitter sweet and to the day. And then the next day, like we got up, had breakfast and then we had to like go straight away to like the funeral home and like pick out an outfit for my grandmother to like, wear. Like, yeah. And then the day after that, we flew out in honeymoon and I, I missed the funeral cause we had everything all booked and stuff, but it was just such a like wild time. I'm just crazy, crazy as well that my parents were there. Do you know her name, like Gabby: yeah. Uh, you know, that's so hard. Oh my gosh. Mel: I know it must have been, he had to give the eulogy. So he did, he wrote within like four days, he had written like a father of the bride speech and a eulogy for my, for his mother. It was just wild. Wow. Wow. But I did, I did really love my wedding day. I just feel like I, Dave and I often talk about like, what would you do? You know? Like we would probably just have like a really chilled, smaller, um, party, like just have a party, like a party. Gabby: Yeah. I mean, I feel like I hear that a lot from married couples and I wonder what that is like. Because I think I know that even though I had a lovely time at my wedding and it was beautiful and my parents did an amazing job with everything. I still, like the next day was like, I wish we had eloped just because it was so overwhelming. Like just all of the people and I don't enjoy. I like, I love attention, but I don't like to be physically up in front of people. Like I don't like to be on a stage. I don't like to have all eyes on me and that's like basically the definition of a wedding. Oh yeah. Um, so I think, I think I wish I had just like, had more. Or felt the freedom. Like I think if I had said, this is my true desire, like we can come back and have a party with family and friends or, you know, whatever it probably would have happened, but I just didn't feel any agency about that. And I wonder why that is. And I wonder if like other young people feel that they want to have like an elopement or like, you know, a smaller part. And like, why does it do, why does it get so big? I don't know. Mel: I don't know. I think lots of it is customary stuff and like pressure and all of that. But at the end of the day, like, what I love is thinking of it as like we get to throw a huge party and celebrate it. Our families coming together with all of the best people, all of our legacy, most important people. Um, and we were pretty strict on our guest list and lots of ways around it, like not ending up being our parents' wedding, like we were actually, and that ruffled some feathers at the time, but we did stick to it most, mostly, you know, Yeah, but yeah, I think it's so it's so much money, even though, like, I can remember our wedding, I'm going to this. I might get this wrong. I'm pretty sure our wedding 15 years ago cost. Oh, I'm going to say maybe 6,000 pounds. Yeah. At the very most, Gabby: probably with the exchange rate, that's about what ours cost as well. Like probably Mel: a little bit more at the most. Cause like my dress was like 800 Pines or something like that. Or 600 binds my baby. Like it was really. Really not expensive. I think that our mail was something like 13 Pines ahead. Yeah. For like four course, male, I guess, crazy that you just wouldn't get that at all anymore. No, no. And we didn't have any like extra things, you know, and it was still really lovely day, but it was, yeah. I just think you've got to view it as this is just a big party to celebrate. And honor all the people that have brought you to where you are as a person. Um, that this is the culmination of both of your journey so far, and let's celebrate all the people that have brought, you know, brought you to where you are today. I kinda, I kinda like thinking about it like that. Gabby: Yeah, definitely. I think we definitely had, um, a lot, I mean, people that I knew there wasn't anyone there, I didn't know. Um, but I think my parents. Had a little bit more of the, like, you know, where these people like, like, you know, like we're in our community and this is like something we're doing for our community. And like we're bringing our community in. And I still had all of like my friends there. Like there wasn't anyone that I wanted to invite that I didn't invite, but I, Chris and I talk about all the time, like if we had. You know, both like lived in the same area and he was able to have all of his friends and his community be there more fully. Um, we would have had a huge wedding cause like, yeah, yeah. It was like 170 people. And like most of it, I mean like 85% of it was my parents. So, you know yeah. Or like my, my family is pretty big as well. So like family and, you know, friends, but yeah. Uh, I like, I love weddings. I love going to weddings now. I love being invited to on me too. Mel: Me too. It's so fun. That is fun. To get dressed up and like be in the atmosphere and like see all of other people's little details and yeah. Yeah. It's so fun and have a good meal Gabby: and dance and ah, it's just. Invite me to your wedding. I know yourself to be a great wedding Mel: guest, really happy to be invited to anybody's wedding. I was trying to think there was something else that I was going to say, oh, the one thing that I really wish that we had got was a videographer. We didn't get a videographer. Yeah. We had like, somebody filmed the service from like on like the church camera. And I don't even think that it worked and I really would have loved to have had some video footage from the day. Um, yeah. Yeah. That's the only regret is I would love. And I think, you know, I get why when photographers and videographers like cost so much. Yeah. Because it is honestly like, so, so special to have. All of your people there and be able to capture all of them and phrase that moment in time. It's just so, so lovely. Um, and I was thinking actually, what we could do is for our Patriot ones, we could, you and I could upload some wedding photos and that we thought Gabby: that'd be so Mel: fun. Yeah. So if you're not signed up to patriarch, you can. Get access. It's only like four pounds a month. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Um, and we are having a lot of fun over there, to be honest with you. We are our Patrion friends. Um, okay. I loved hearing about this and I feel like I'm probably going to have to message you after when I remember other facts. And I know Gabby: I was thinking that you there's so much that I remembered after. I shared my bit, so, yeah. Mel: Um, cool. Well thank you everybody for less than, as always. We, we love all the deep and all the show and all the fun ways that we get to communicate with you. Um, you can always get in touch with us. You can email us at hello@Makinganeffortpodcast.com or Gabby. And I are both on Instagram at mail Wiggins and, uh, gab, Lou Ellen. Um, and that's all for tonight. And we will see in next time on the making an effort podcast by.