Episode 24: Summer Update, Books & Bodies
We hope you enjoyed this chilled out episode after last week’s good, but a little more intense one. This week we chatted about our summers, books we’ve been reading and a little update on how we’re doing with our bodies in the summer.
Okay here are our book recommendations—
This Is Going To Hurt by Adam Kay
City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert
Seven Necessary Sins for Women and Girls by Mona Eltahawy
Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
The Book You Wish Your Parents Read Philippa Perry
Hormone Intelligence by Aviva Romm
Also if you were intrigued by Mel’s friend’s bookshop in Northern Ireland check out Seaside Books! So well curated.
We hope you enjoyed this episode! Until next time.
>>> Click here to read the computer generated transcript (note that the transcript isn't perfect)
Gabby: Welcome to the making an effort podcast, the podcast where you get to drop in on a conversation with two friends, discussing all the things they make an effort with and some of the things they do not. And today. We've got a little menu of items to talk about a menu. Fancy. I don't know. I just like popped into me now. I feel really insecure about it.
Mel: No, it's lovely. Well done. That was really special. Can I have, can I, first of all, I feel like before we even get started. Okay guys, just, I just want to. Say how, beautifully received. The last episode was about neurodiversity and your story and how you shared. And I have had so many lovely messages and I imagine you've had doubly as many, um, from people who just really appreciated you and your honesty and candor and tenderness and all of that. I just think it's worth it to talk to this episode and say, and another big, thank you to you, Gabbyfor a beautiful share. Um, and thanks to everybody who's listened to it. We've had like such high numbers of listens to this episode and we're really glad that it's. Yeah.
Gabby: Yeah. I mean, I think thanks to you too, for creating such a safe space to do that. I think the thing I was most, uh, Nervous about was just, you know, even though I did say at the top end, at the end of the episode, that this is just my experience, because that's all we can really knowledgeably speak about. Um, there is like a sense that you feel like. Talking on behalf of a community. And so to have parents reach out to me who were like, yep, my kid is autistic or whatever. Um, and this is exactly what I would want my friends to hear that meant the world to me. Um, and so thank you. If you did take the time to reach out and thank you for listening, even if it, um, maybe it didn't direct well, like maybe even if you didn't have it, don't have someone in your life who is neuro diverse, I guess. Um, It's just, it's just like probably the most important thing I've ever said on this podcast. So I really appreciate people taking the time to listen to it. So thank you very much.
Mel: And absolutely. If you haven't and you thought maybe it wasn't relevant for you and you have kind of skipped that episode, I want to encourage you just to circle back to it and just for sure, give it a listen because it's, it's, it's important for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. So back to the menu,
Gabby: back to the menu today on the menu, it's a three-course menu. Well, this analogy keeps the girl. Oh, are you doing yourself? A big menu hole here. Uh, okay. For starters. Yeah, starters, we are going to be just doing a little summer update. What we've been up to this summer, uh, main. This is really, it's just like putting value on these topics. I don't, I don't know if I feel comfortable assigning to them, but we are, uh, in the middle of, we're going to be talking about books that we've been enjoying this year, and then we are going to. Wrap the whole thing up with a delicious. Beautiful decadent discussion on how we feel about our bodies in the summer. And yeah, it's going to be great. I'm excited.
Mel: That does sound like a good menus to Gabby: how much are you cringing right now?
Mel: Delighted that you've done something cringy,because you're always so cool I'm glad to pass the Baton of cringe to you.
Gabby: Definitely. Definitely not always cool, but I'm happy to shoulder my, my portion of the cringe.
Mel: Okay. Some more updates. Let's go. Tell us about the Llewellyn summer.
Gabby: Well, I will go first because our summer has been incredibly boring. I feel compared to yours, but, uh, I think it's been great. I think the biggest highlight or headline, I guess, is that Chris, my husband, for those of you don't know. Is normally in a non pandemic year. Well, even the pandemic is ongoing in a pre COVID time was a touring musician. And now as of this month, he is again a touring musician. Um, so he's got a few summer festivals. He is away. One now this weekend, and it's really exciting to kind of feel like there's a little bit of like our normal routine back in play a little.
Mel: Do you mean free time for you as well?
Gabby: I will say this. I have a little ritual every time he leaves where, so like usually his bus call, which is. When all, when they take all their luggage to the bus the night before the show. So if they have the show on the Saturday, they'll go on a Friday night, get on their tour bus, and then the bus will drive to that location through the night. So bus calls usually around four, 6:00 PM. He'll go. And then I will do like a blitz clean of the house for like, I will just I'll make it so tidy because I know that between Danny and I, we can keep it pretty much tight. Hmm. I don't know. There's something about, uh,
Mel: Chris is the man untidy.
Gabby: Here's the thing actually. No, but I have a way higher tolerance for my messages than I do for his. Yeah. So even if I like leave my books out or, you know, don't clean up after lunch right away or whatever. Yeah. It still feels more tidy to me in, in my head than if he's left his lunch stuff out. Oh yeah. So I, I don't actually know how to explain it more than that, but it is what it is. Yeah.
Mel: Completely. I have way more tolerance for my own little Nate piles
Gabby: of things, not a mess. It's, it's considered a location that happens to be the middle of the kitchen table, but it's still considered.
Mel: Yeah. Um, and so what else have you guys, like, what is, what else does it look like in your world during the summer? Like, what is, what do you
Gabby: guys do? So Nashville is hellishly hot, most summers, and usually in the summer we would go to Northern Ireland, um, right. Kind of just escape the heat.
Mel: Um, but
Gabby: we are currently, yeah, apparently it is just as hard if not harder where you guys are right now. Um, I do have a sad little summer bucket list that I created for our family that we've only marked to the things off because most of them are outdoor things. Feel way too emotionally overwhelming because of how hot it is. It's like go to the zoo. Oh, you? Oh, no. Um, so we so far we've done all the pool ones. Like it's like go to the splash pad check. Okay. Go to the lake, the beach check. Like anything water related has been done. Everything else is like, no, uh, but yeah, it's been a pretty low key summer. We're just kind of getting back into life. That's kind of all I've got for ya. Um, what about Mel? Tell us what your dreamy summer, Mel. Okay. Just headline, not headline. I don't know. Erase that. Basically. What I'm trying to say is Mel Marco Polo's me every single day from her summer holiday that she's on right now and it is gorgeous and it is my little bit of escapism. That I look forward to every day, just to have to say.
Mel: Yeah. Yeah. So we we've been up in the, at the, in the north coast of, of Northern Ireland, uh, for the last two weeks. Um, because as you know, we've got a caravan this year, we bought a caravan, so it's, it's up in the north coast and we have been where, like the keenest keynote. Ever that cane, because we're like, we've had a lot of money for this caravan. We're going to be there all the time and we're going to get every little bit of worth out of it. So we, yeah, so I literally, we got home this morning around like lunchtime today after two, two solid weeks away at the caravan of which it was sunny and glorious the whole time, which is just unheard
Gabby: of amazing. I
Mel: know. So, yeah. So it's just been a lot of slow mornings. Um, Walk and down. And like we live the, the caravan site that we're on is in a place called castle rock. And it's a really quiet little village, um, or tine, I guess it is. Um, and there's like one shop and like one butchers and one bakery and one, um, pub one coffee shop or maybe two coffee shops. Um, So we just walk in, have a coffee, maybe go and play in the park, go to the beach. Walk back up the end of the day. Like that's just literally that on repeat most days. Um, and we, like, we only took the car to go to a couple other little places maybe twice in the whole two weeks, which was super cool to be able to just have everything that you need just in the one location. And it's absolutely beautiful up there. Like it really is gorgeous. And can I give a shout out to Catherine?
Gabby: Yeah, Catherine, come on,
Mel: come on, Catherine. So I was Dave and I got a night off of parenting and putting kids to bed, which is the worst.. Um, I still at like 30, almost 38 years old after 10 years of parenting still, I'm waiting for someone to come and tell me that I don't need to put my kids to bed anymore. Yeah, I'm ready for that season. Yeah. But, um, so Dave's mom came up and was, uh, she was like, why don't you guys go out? And, uh, I'll, I'll put the kids to bed, blah, blah, blah. So we walked down to the pub and as we're walking down, there's this girl approaching and she was, had her headphones on, she was out for a walk and she's just, she was like coming towards us. She took her headphones out and she was. I don't really, I don't know if I should do this or not, but I'm literally listening to your podcast right now. I was like, sorry, I'm not even joking. I'm less than do your podcast right. now as I walk. Shut up. This is so weird. Like what are the odds that we would just meet? I know
Gabby: that Northern that's crazy, but I was
Mel: just like, I text Gabby. I was like Gabby we're famous in castle rock. We have arrived guys. Basically, we're too big of a deal now to even record this podcast, but I, my mind was blown and I actually like awkward. To get a picture with her. I was like, I take a picture of me and you just because nobody's going to believe me. They're going to be like, oh yeah, really? Big shout out to Catherine. I liked
Gabby: how you asked. He asked your quote-unquote fan for a selfie, not
Mel: American. We don't use the word fan. That's gross. And she was so lovely. And we stopped in on this, like man, her and Dave had this like lovely chat about it, you know? Northern Ireland and castle rock and the podcast. And, um, that's lovely her work and all this kind of stuff. And it was just so nice to talk to somebody who listens. Um, and well, yeah, I was just the weirdest moment anyway, that, that album, I love that. That's what our summer has looked like. And now we have come home and, you know, up on the coast, like where we are. Quite highly elevated. So we get a lot of like sea breeze and, you know, you can get the reprieve of walking down to the beach and just throwing yourself into the cold Irish sea. But we're back home and land here. inland. What is it is disgusting. Actually I'm so grumpy. I'm so grumpy and I'm so like I can't yeah, I can't hardly even string sounds together. So they actually are
Gabby: grumpy.
Mel: I'm so grumpy. The hate makes me so annoyed. I'm just like, don't ask me. I wasn't no food in the house. It's just, there's a lot of laundry. It's just a lot. But anyway, I am grateful.
Gabby: I will say you couldn't even say
Mel: that with a straight face. You're like, I don't even mean it just you're like, I'm just not ready to be that vulnerable
Gabby: with people yet. I'm really not. I will say one of the things I love about the Marco Polo that you've sent me from the north coast is like, like, don't get me wrong. I know that little moments of bliss do not incorporate a full picture when you're on vacation with family, of course there are the tearful bedtimes and like the chicken nuggets that get thrown on the ground and like the muddy cravers all of that stuff. But. It's one of those things where I'm like, I'm, I feel like I'm getting this like very unique window into like watching the Wiggins family, like family memories being made. Like, you know what I mean? Like those little like snapshots of like, The kids running down to the water and like the sunsets and the fish and chips, and like all of that stuff that you've been sending me, I'm like, that is the stuff that you'll actually remember. And that's the stuff your kids are gonna remember. And it just feels really special to get like a little window into. Yeah. Yeah.
Mel: And I think it's magic. The nice thing about this year, especially is that. Well, yeah, we've just spent a solid two weeks up there, but that's like, that's not an over, you know, we have this spot to go back to, um, like we're going again this week work at one, again with our friend, my friend, his dad was coming to visit and we're taking her up there and then we'll be there for another week or two over the summer. So it just, yeah, it just feels really, really lovely to kind of, and we're also doing that thing of like, We've we've like basically, no, I consider ourselves locals, right? Oh,
Gabby: you definitely aren't. So
Mel: we're doing that whole thing. It's like so busy here today. Everybody's there. It's not usually like this, like walked away, you know, when we found this caravan for 10 weeks,
Gabby: like all these like, oh, Lowens. Oh my gosh. Just busying up the beach. To be fair though. You are locals. Now.
Mel: I know, I do feel like that. And that actually, we went to a different beach the other day and, um, we ended up parked our car was parked on the beach beside like two cars down from my lovely friend, Karen, who is. I'm a Baptist minister, but she's just bought us and cool and she and her, her husband and her son were there and we ended up chatting and I was like telling her all about the caravan and her castle Rock's great because it's, you know, it's not as busy as the other kineses side times. And it feels a little bit more classy and quiet office. And she, like, she was like, I'm sold. She's like, all right. So she like went and did a drive up to the caravan site and like had a word with the manager about caravan rental.
Gabby: I think you need to start getting a cut. I agree, because literally this is the third person you've told me about where it's like, they like see your life and they're like, yep. I want to sign up for that. Like, and they'd go in. They have a wee chat with someone at the caravan park. I feel like you need to be starting to get like a cut of these deals. Yeah. I'm
Mel: honestly like, but here's the thing it sells itself. I'm not saying I'm not doing anything. Like I don't benefit so much other than having awesome people to hang out with up there, but just it's it does sell itself. So anyway, enough about me being, a total caravan wanker um,
Gabby: We're all living through, through you. We're all stuck at home. So anyone who's like, yeah, this is home. Whose home is in a cool place. We want to hear about it.
Mel: This is, yeah, this is true. And this is not, this is not, we never imagined that we would be the kind of people that would do that, but not the truth. Um, we now know
Gabby: passports to figure out.
Mel: That's true. Dave does not need to. He, yeah, he,
Gabby: he does perfect holiday. It is
Mel: perfect holiday. You have no idea. He's so delighted with himself as it should be. Yeah. So that's the summer, here are the kids stuff, a bunch of like, you know, little summer schemes that we've booked them into here and there and stuff so that they can like, yeah. Do their do their own thing and have activities and stuff. But for the most part, it's just chilling at the van. Not set.
Gabby: I love it. Wow. Onto our second course. Speaking of escapism. Yeah. Let's talk about books because honestly, this is where I have lots to
Mel: say. Okay. I'm glad because I'm, I'm going to draw a blank because this always happens to me when I talk. Talking about books. So I'll ask you just like Google in the books that I've read right now.
Gabby: What books have I read to remember the names of
Mel: them? Oh my
Gabby: gosh. Um, no. I feel like many of you will probably be able to relate. I feel like without, with the lack of travel that I'm used to, we're all used to these last 18 months. Um, I've just been doing so much reading and if you follow me on Instagram, you know, that I love cozy murder, mystery novels, and have like, probably read 200 of them in the last year, but in pivoting this summer, and I'm doing a. A deep dive of romantic novels, not, not romance romance novels, although I'm not opposed to them, the steamy Berry or whatever. Yes. Yes. I'm not slugging those off at all. Um, I just, I'm feeling more like Nora Ephron, like that kind of nonsense. Sparks is that his name? Nicholas Sparks notebook? Um, nothing that intense, but more just like, like normal people by Sally Rooney, like that kind of genre. And I have to say I'm really loving it. It's so fun. I
Mel: would love a good recommendation for that. And I'm sure everybody else would tell you. So why don't you tell us some like topics. Um,
Gabby: well, the one that I just finished is ghosts by Dolly Alderton. Um, and I, it is so good. I, I think she's just a fantastic writer. I think that is kind of the icing on top of the cake is that she just, her observations about humans and romance and friendship and relationships are so. Smart. Yes. And crush on her to me. I really do. I feel like she is just been, yeah, she's so great. She's very cool. But her book is amazing and it kind of is what sparked my whole interest in rediscovering romance again, because I think I had written the genre off for some time, so it just felt so, um, maybe. Cliche for girls to be into romance or women to be into romance. And obviously as an Enneagram four, there's nothing. I have horror more than being a cliche. That's true. So I think I've just avoided the genre the whole, but I'm halfway through normal people now. And I know I'm kind of late to that game as well, but I'm loving that. Um, I. I'm going to start heartburn by Nora Ephron. Um, I've heard that the audio book is amazing. So I think I'm going to, um, listen to that one instead of read it. Um, and then let's see, uh, non, non knob or non fiction. No non-fiction I don't know. No fiction. No, but not fiction nonfiction.
Mel: Okay. Wow. The book is sure.
Gabby: This is going to hurt by Adam. K hilarious. Yeah. And I know again, I'm late to the game with that one. I think it was published. 2017 maybe that's an 18. Um, but basically it's the journal memoirs of an NHS doctor. Um, he would have, has gone on to, he left the NHS to become a comedy writer and a television writer. And so it is so funny, Chris and I have been listening to his audio book, which he narrates himself and it's like laugh out loud, funny, and it's a short read. Uh, I have been loving that. So those are kind of the ones that have been swirling around in my, my world these days I could go on, but I feel like I'm monopolizing the conversation. You're not
Mel: at all. I'm going to tell you, um, three books that I have read over the last couple of months, and then I'm going to tell you too, that I've got lined up, which I'm excited to rate in the yes. So it's do I read city of girls? Which is Elizabeth Gilbert. I heard one of her, luckily at us novels. Um, and I'm just a big Liz Gilbert fan anyway, but Ben, so I was a bit like I'm interested in how she writes in this way. Um, and I loved us. I really loved it. It was such a, I thought, I thought from some of the, um, reviews and stuff, that it was going to be a little bit more. A little bit more racy than it was. Um, and it was still a little bit racy, but more just in like, For the time that, that Scion. So it's, I think it's set in like the forties and New York, which come on.
Gabby: I mean, yeah, right. The golden years, the gold years of like
Mel: Broadway and movie stars and all that kind of stuff. So I'm just the glamor of it. And how it's written, how it's described. I, it was a really immersive book for me because I was just, yeah. I was right there. I was in New York city. I was, it was a summertime. You could feel the hate, the kind of, yeah, that's a bit of a coming of age story of a girl who, who is from kind of a, yeah, like a. Upper class ish family and moves to the city for the summer to go and like, um, help her up two rooms, like a off-Broadway theater. Um, and so she's like thrown into the lion's den of all of these like theater, like quirky people and just kind of has to become a big girl, you know, really, really quickly with all these beautiful, like Showgirls and all this kind of stuff. And yeah. Beautiful. It's really, really fun. Really fun. Right. So I really, I enjoyed that.
Gabby: I really want to read that book. Hmm.
Mel: And then the other one that I read was my friend Sass. I posted this on Instagram and really rated it and I read, I reassessed. So I immediately bought it on it's cool. Sorrow and blessed by Meg Mason. Hm. Um, and it is, it was so. It was so different to any book that I've read before. And in that it was like, Yeah.
Gabby: And is it a novel
Mel: or is it, yeah, so it's a story. It's a nonfiction. Okay. No, no, that's not right. It's fiction. It's fiction fiction. Okay. Oh man. We have really, what
Gabby: we're doing with those guys were very smart. Okay. Sorry.
Mel: Um, yeah. So it's essentially a book, a boat, um, Based around one character, Martha, and just all of the, like, it kind of goes back and forth from her childhood to the present time to all kinds of stuff. Um, and it's a lot to do with like love and commitment and family. Big time about your family and about mental health. Um, and just that combination and how the story unfolds is brilliant. Really, really loved that. Um, Ken, by the time I think I ran it in like two days. So it was just looks like that. Yeah, me too. I actually feel like if I don't feel like that about a book, I really, really do struggle to finish it. Oh, totally. Yeah. And then finally, the other books that I have. Um, I haven't finished it yet, but I'm a good part of the way through it is a book that I bought from one of the girls who's in assembly, started a small bookshop, uh, online on, she does like markets and she's hoping to have it. Like a book fan. Um, and she called seaside books. If you want to look it up, I can put it in the show notes. My gosh, that sounds so dreamy. I know. I know. And she's amazing. And she, she reads every book that she puts in her shop. She like, it's all like from like really diverse writers and, um, And diverse themes and really, really beautiful. And the book is called seven necessary sins for women and girls by Mona Alto hallway. Um,
Gabby: yeah. Yeah. Credible it's
Mel: so, so, so good. Um, actually I think for anyone who thinks that they're a feminist or, or knows that they're a feminist, this book takes things to the next level, Right. I believe it kind of goes beyond the, it goes beyond the kind of polite feminism that we, we find really comfortable and really rattles things up a bit. So she's talking about all the different ways that women are kind of taught to. Avoid and socialization, like all the ways that we're like. So avoid anger, avoid attention, profanity, ambition, par violence, lost all of those things. Um, just turns everything on its head. And she just, as a person is like a complete, um, just like a complete. Bombshell that as, uh, like her, just her lived experience of being, um, like a Muslim woman who has yeah. Just done so many incredible things and activism for women's rights globally. So she, yeah, she's amazing. Um, and how she writes is so. Funny, but also like mind blowing. So I'm kind of taking that in pieces because I need to actually take it in. So yeah, those are the three that have stood, I most. So over the last, the last couple of months, and then I have someone on my bookshelf, of course, I definitely want to buy that, that Dolly olders in book for sure.
Gabby: Yeah. It's good. It's a really good, yeah. It's a story about a single woman in her thirties and kind of navigating the things that start to happen in your midlife with like your friends being married with kids and like your parents and a whole bunch of themes that I think people who listened to this podcast probably. Already experienced and encounter and it's just so beautifully done. So it's a good one.
Mel: Yeah. I'm excited for that. And then my friend recommended, because last summer I read where the crawdads sing and I don't think I'm over it yet. No, you know this,
Gabby: right? Oh yeah. It's so good. It's I mean, I, I mean, it's kind of beating a dead horse, cause I think almost everyone's read that book, but. It is like one of those ones that you just escape into this world, like it is like, so submersive, you, you want to move to wherever, was it? North Carolina. Okay. Florida, something like that. Anyway. So more marshy, somewhere marshy and it's great. Well, so yeah,
Mel: so she, so I was, I've just been like any, anyone that I talked to who read reads books. I'm like, I need you to tell me what to read. That is like the crawdads, but yes, that's, that's the bar for me and I, and so my friend Kat recommended, um, the secret life of babe.
Gabby: Ooh. Yeah. I've seen that on a lot of reading lists. I haven't read it myself. I said older, like it's
Mel: an older, yeah. An older book. I think it's maybe like 10 years old, maybe even older than that. Um, Maybe even, yeah, maybe even were older than that, but anyway, it's a multimillion bestselling book and, um, cat said that it will do the same destruction to your soul, the cross tested. So looking forward to.
Gabby: It was heart-wrenching interview.
Mel: And then this is, and then this is me done with the main course here. And then the other book that just has just arrived is one that my therapist recommended. Um, and I've seen it loads all over the ground. Loads of different people that I really love and respect. I've been reading that by Philippa Perry, the book you wish your parents had read, and your children will be glad that you did
Gabby: whoa, the title. Yeah. So we will put all of these books in the show notes so that I can find them as well. Yeah.
Mel: So I can't, I can't recommend that one yet, but my therapist recommends it and it, everything that she
Gabby: says I've done, like one 10th of the things that my therapist has said, we should do 100% of them. But anyway.
Mel: Yeah. Um, so that's w any other books that you have. On the horizon that's
Gabby: coming up. I feel like that. I feel like we've given people a good chunk of homework there,
Mel: you know? Okay. Super. All right. Then let's head to desert.
Gabby: beautiful bodies. Beautiful bodies.
Mel: Oh, well, I've been thinking about this so much and you and I have been talking about this a lot. My, I just think this can be such a, a summer, especially when it's hot. It's just a really. Such a trigger in time for, for us as women to kind of navigate how we feel about our bodies. Well,
Gabby: it's so hard. It is so hard. We've been talking about this in our Marco polo group chat about just how yeah. Summer brings up a ton of feelings. And so I thought it could be fun to kind of revisit. Topics today. Um, and I guess, I feel like even since we talked about it last time, I've learned so much and also experienced so much that it just, it was a good reminder that we're always kind of growing. Yeah. It was scary, you know, I don't know. And that was just like a few months ago. Yeah.
Mel: But yeah. And I just feel like. Uh, it's going to be something I imagine that you and I are gonna always come back to and talk about. And, and I'm also just, it's just so interesting as well because I'm watching love island as
Gabby: am I.
Mel: And part of me was wondering, you know, because I just, I think I said to you guys this week that my like, Body image at the minute is so it's like this week, this last couple of weeks in particular has just been so bad. Like it's just been so hard to like yeah, just, you know, all of the things that, all of the things that we feel. Um, and I wondered was part of it because I spend, you know, an hour every single night. These, these like little beautiful, like toned bronze bodies and bikini wedges all day long.
Gabby: Well, I mean, that's a great question. Do you think it is because like, what are, do you have certain triggers where you're like, I know if I. Do this it's going to lead me down a spiral. So for example, for me, a real big trigger for me is if I like I could be having zero body image issues, just merrily, happily getting on with my life, feeling great about everything. Go into a. Store pick out something and it doesn't fit the way that I think it's going to in my head. And that, like, for me, that's like my fastest trigger or even just stuff at home of like, I feel like this isn't fitting the way that it normally used to, or, um, so clothes for me is a huge trigger more than like seeing, I think, because I've just gotten so accustomed to seeing people on TV be more. Uh, I guess I don't even know what the right language is, but you know, you know what I'm saying? Like people, they are selected because of city ideal. And so I think part of me, like can easily tune that out or not absorb it as much because I have a lifetime of experience of like practice, you know, on some level of like, It's okay. If I don't look like that, it's great. It's great that they look like that. I don't have to look like that. Um, but for me, The clothes thing that like gets me going. And I wondered if you had certain triggers for you're like, oh, when this happens, I struggle. There's death. There's death.
Mel: The clothes thing for sure is the same. Yeah. And you said that I was like, oh yeah, that's, that's definitely it. And because you're getting into a new season, maybe you need to update a couple of new things in your wardrobe. You're maybe wearing shorts or you're like, you know, getting your arms more and then yeah. Things do not. Look like the, how you, things are going to look in your head or, or fail or fit. Right. Um, and then also, I don't know if this is relatable or not, but it tend to take a lot more pictures in the summer with people. And, you know, I sometimes am like, oh, looking back at that. I don't, I don't love this app. Is that what I look like? Or that kind of thing where you're reflecting on, um, Yeah, that kind of thing. So that's, that can be a trigger for me too, where like, I'll be having a great time. And like you said, going along my merry body way and enjoying company of friends or, you know, doing my thing. And then someone sends like a photo dump of pictures from the day and you're like, wow.
Gabby: Excuse me. Sorry.
Mel: No, not approve those.
Gabby: I, 1000% relate to this. I think actually the photo thing though, I was going to bring up anyway because you know, So, I mean, on Instagram, I follow several accounts of women who are just like, who are committed to kind of undoing some of this messaging, uh, around our bodies. And one of the main ways they do it and I do actually find it. So healing is they post pictures of their own real bodies, like almost daily, like in swimwear or in just normal clothes or in their underwear or whatever. The power of those images. Yeah. Like I, I feel very emotionally healed by seeing their, like, I know it sounds so dramatic, but it is actually how I feel like I remember one of the first times I saw a postpartum body on Instagram that looked like mine. It actually changed my world. Uh, like so brave it's very brave. And I mean, I, I'm just going to be honest. I'm not that brave. I really am not. Um, and that is just my journey and I'm not going to shame myself for where I'm at in that journey, but I feel like it's such a gift when people are willing to just put their unedited selves out there. And I'm sure it's hard for them to. But it is so transformational for people who get to, or women who get to see someone who looks like them. Um, yeah, but the photo thing, like, I feel like, okay, so there's one, there's one side of it. It's like is nothing to do with body image. No one wants to like. Have an unflattering photo of themselves that hasn't do you know what I mean? Like there's like, there's like some of it's just human and it doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to send you into a tailspin, but I have been trying to be more conscientious of like, you know, Post a story of myself. There have been times where I would have been like, oh, I don't like how that, like my arm looks there or my legs look there, or this, my, like the sun hit my cellulite a certain way. So I don't want to post that. I've been trying to be a little bit more conscientious about being like, yeah, no, this is who I am. This is me. This is, this is what I look like. I'm not trying to present. Yeah. Someone who's not actually there and you can accept me for who I am and that's, that's on you if you can't, but it is hard, isn't it? Like, it's so hard. Yeah,
Mel: it is. It's really hard. And do you know, I also, I can't remember who I was talking to. I was remembering my friends on the beach yesterday because I just, you know, even on the beach, I love to see the variety of bodies and people just like getting over themselves and putting their swimsuits on, on a plan with their kids or go out with their mates, um, um, and doing that. But for me, I definitely notice there are certain times in my cycle. Absolutely worst, like, as for sure worse. So I know there could be a full week. Like there has been where I've just been like, everything sucks, everything looks awful, nothing looks nice. Like looking in the mirror is really hard, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then there are weeks where I'm like, damn. Yeah. That's that's good. I am feeling myself here. Like this feels right. Yeah. So it's, it's really hard to predict when you're, when the stuff is going to show up for you. Um, I'm just noticing how that changes with my cycle a little bit more so I can be a bit more prepared to be kinder to myself and be a bit more loving, avoid it. And yeah.
Gabby: I will say, I mean, you know, actually this ties in perfectly with book recommendations, hormone intelligence by Dr. Aviva. Romm you love, I I've been telling you about this book for the last wee while. Um, but speaking of cycles, I mean, she kind of goes through in depth how to understand your cycle as a woman. And I have found that. Just being mentally prepared for that week where I'm going. Like I already know it's going to be a hard body image week has made it easier for me. So I'm like, well, of course I hate how I look right now because it's three days before my period. So whatever I roll, move on with life, like I've actually felt empowered to be like, it's fine. Like, it's just an emotion. It's not a reality where I feel like, like tracking my cycle. Brought me so much empowerment, even over like mentally over my self in the last two months that I've been reading this book, but yeah, it is just like, it's so complicated and it's so hard to talk about, honestly, without. Make it just, as it's a sticky topic, you know,
Mel: Yeah or without kind of wrapping it up nicely and being like, so everybody loves your body. No, like you've got this, you know? Yeah. We don't need that. That kinda toxic positivity in our lives because it's so human to struggle with this stuff. Everybody. Everybody learns differently. Don't they. So, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad we talked about that. That was good. That was good. All right, folks, listen, we've given you a full dinner. We've given you a full meal here and yet. Um, we are not, we are not done with taking. Um, your voice notes and your thoughts, um, your emails and stuff. Thank you so much for all of those that are coming through about purity culture, because we want to dive into that and we need to hear your stories, um, to, to make this episode reflective of this community. So, um, if you have anything to say about how purity culture, particularly, maybe in faith communities has, um, Impacted you or any conclusions or undoings of that, that you have, um, have experienced then we'd love to hear from you. So you can email us a voice note then how to do that is all on our website, makinganeffortpodcast.com and then you can, you can email your voice note to us at hello@makinganeffortpodcast.com.
Gabby: Or if you don't want to leave a voicemail, you can write us. Uh, we will assume that if it's under the purity culture theme, that it's okay to read out loud on this podcast. Yeah. Tell us, tell us if not, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. Cool. All right. All right. Well, I think that, I think that
Mel: wraps this up. I think it does mate, again as always just, just so appreciate everybody who listens. Thank you so much. All right,
Gabby: we'll see you next week. Bye.
